


Some Kind of Wonderful

by TheLadyFrost



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombies, Alternate Universe - Police, Canon-Typical Violence, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Crossing Timelines, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Gags, Gen, Lemon, Loss of Virginity, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Romantic Fluff, Sweet/Hot, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2020-05-14 19:48:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19279969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyFrost/pseuds/TheLadyFrost
Summary: "It's better to swallow pride than blood. Guys like that? They never end up with the bookworm." She just might be the right girl all along, if he stops being blinded by the wrong ones. (AU fluff love story Rebecca/Leon. Because we know I have to ship it after Vendetta. Right? Rebecca never gets enough love.)





	1. Chapter 1

_._

* * *

**Some Kind of Wonderful**

* * *

_**Chapter One:** _

_**When the S.T.A.R.S. align** _

* * *

_"Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else."_  
― Sarah Cross, Kill Me Softly

* * *

**Raccoon City - 1998**

* * *

With a pile of folders in her hands, Rebecca Chambers raced over the shiny tile of the R.P.D. lobby. A small girl, she was nevertheless a veritable genius. Where she was often overlooked for a small stature and sweet angel's face for a more...Hollywood worthy of femininity, Rebecca stole the show with her intellect.

She'd graduated high school at 12 years old and gotten a doctorate in chemistry with a minor in biology by the time she was eighteen. While her friends had experienced crushes and gotten tattoos and gone off to start their lives, she was already into her third round of college to get a degree in virology. It was hard sometimes to be the smartest kid in class.

She'd been overlooked in college because she was too young to draw attention. She'd been overlooked most of her life in fact because she, quite simply, was a nerd. Rebecca paused to catch a glimpse of herself in the glass of the window into reception. She'd cut off all her hair before she'd left home for this job. It suited her face but had transformed her from adorable munchkin (as her dad called her) to pixie princess (as he now called her). She still looked about twelve years old in her opinion.

Albert Wesker, the Captain of S.T.A.R.S., had sought her out specifically for the job. Her credentials outweighed her lack of combat experience. Her expertise in field preparation of medicines and anatomy made her a valuable asset as a medic.

She'd thought she'd become a professor once upon a time. Instead? She was a cop.

She heard laughter and turned her gaze to the balcony. Her heart just slapped a sharp tattoo to remind her she  _wasn't_ twelve years old but eighteen and fully capable of mourning the fact that she'd never found a boy interested in relieving her of her virginity like the rest of the girls her age. She gazed in a little bit of awe at Chris Redfield as he paused to laugh with other members of S.T.A.R.S.

Claire's brother had somehow become quite a heartthrob. Although they'd grown up down the street from each other when the Redfield's had died and left a tender twelve-year-old Claire in the care of her eighteen-year-old brother, it had become harder to stay in touch. However, she and Claire had tried their best to spend every summer together between Raccoon City and Redfield, North Dakota.

Rebecca wondered if Chris had turned Wesker onto her for the job.

She wondered if she'd even be able to speak to Claire's brother without her face flaming off.

He was the same boy who'd put dog poo in her shoe when she was five and he was twelve. She wondered if he would still try to put shit in her sandals now.

Amused, Rebecca started to spin around to hurry to go talk to him...and ran right into someone else. It was a mess. Her folders scattered as she went to her butt with an "oof". The other person survived the collision much better and reached a hand down for her in shame.

"Shit! I'm so sorry. Let me help you up!"

Rebecca was trying to gather her files. "It's alright. It's my fault, I wasn't paying attention."

"Here..let me at least get your other stuff..."

She rose and turned, "I should really look where I'm g-"

 _I just died in your arms tonight_ by Cutting Crew burst into her head. The first dulcet tones had her freezing. If it was possible for hearts and glitter to appear around him, it would have happened.

Gorgeous. From the incredible stubby ponytail at the base of his neck to the perfect little cleft in his chin, he was clearly put on Earth to kill. Not with the gun strapped on his thigh, nope, with that face. He was a lady killer.

Was she dead?

Rebecca felt over her breast bone to be sure her heart was still beating.

Oh, it was. It was beating so hard she could  _hear it in her ears._ It would burst soon enough anyway and she'd probably turn into a zombie or something to come back from the dead just to try to eat him.

But he was kinda staring at her like she might be retarded or something now. She'd been staring like an owl for the last few minutes. It was time to speak.

_SPEAK!_

_"I'm REBECCA CHAMBERS!"_

...oh dear god.

Around her, the lobby went sorta quiet to stare in her direction. She'd shouted. She'd shouted like a nut case. Her face flushed with blood so hard she was afraid she might just pass out from horror and embarrassment.

She backed up two steps from him where he stood with his eyes enormous, and beautifully sea water blue, and her files held out like a horrified statue.

She squeaked, "...I'm so sorry!"

Turning, she fled across the lobby at a pretty decent skipping run and ducked into reception where it was quiet. She was just gathering her will power to go find the S.T.A.R.S. office when the door eeked open and his adorable face peered in.

"...hey. You ok?"

Face still flaming, Rebecca stuttered, "...hah. Y-yep. Yep. I'm just great! Just setting myself up for a great first day at a new job. How about you?"

She gave him a thumbs up as she glanced around and joined her in the reception office. He held her files out to her. "I'm Leon S. Kennedy. It's my first day too. You a rookie?"

Rebecca shook her head, "Nope. I'm S.T.A.R.S. actually."

He blinked at her three times before he laughed, "I like a girl with a sense of humor."

Brows arched, she returned, "...I am. I'm on Bravo team."

He laughed again, "Sure you are. You're the mascot? Or the secretary or something?"

...seriously? Rebecca felt the flush die in her cheeks as she gave him a cool look. "No, I'm not. Are you?"

Leon stopped chuckling. He blinked at her again. He was cute, but maybe he wasn't too bright. "...what?"

Rebecca shrugged, "You're pretty. Receptionists are usually pretty right?"

After a long moment, his face split into a big grin. "I also like a girl who gives shit. Fair enough, Rebecca Chambers, what do you say we go find the S.T.A.R.S. office together?"

Rebecca tilted her head, "Are you S.T.A.R.S.?"

"Not yet, but give me a few days." He took her folders from her to carry them. Charmed by it, Rebecca fell into step beside him as they moved into the far hallway. It was bustling with cops and civilians that worked in accounting and payroll and the motor pool. She could hear Chief Irons giving a press conference as they moved toward the stairs at the back of the long hallway that would take them up to the second floor. They got turned around and had to cut through the library instead.

It was massive - lined on the walls with everything you could ever want to know about anything. The slideable shelves were always broken though, and maintenance was trying to repair them as they passed toward the top floor.

As they walked, Leon talked to her like they were old friends. She found with each step it was a little easier to be close to him. He was painfully handsome, almost like a cover model on a magazine or something. The R.P.D. uniform he wore snuggled his biceps in a way that let you know he was in good shape under the ugly blue shirt. He wore a white thermal beneath it and elbow pads that complimented the kevlar strapped around his chest with the department logo emblazoned over the dull black. Hooked to his shoulder was a chunky radio that was clipped to his belt. When it crackled, he touched it to silence it with thick tactical gloves on his hands with the fingers exposed.

Age wise, she was betting they were pretty neck and neck. He couldn't be much older than her. He kept talking about graduating like it was just yesterday.

Curious, Rebecca asked, "You went right to the academy after high school?"

"Oh, yeah. My Dad..." He trailed off and shook his head with a smile, "It's what he wanted for me. I'd have graduated sooner but...he got sick."

Pausing, Rebecca laid a hand on his arm, "I'm so sorry."

Leon smiled and shook his head, "S'ok. It was quick. Stage four lungs. He'd been a smoker all his life, ya know? He was gone six months after they diagnosed him."

Neither of them realized they'd paused in the hallway to talk to the other. Rebecca, sympathetic, squeezed his forearm. "Still- it doesn't make it any easier. You were close?"

He nodded, laughing a little, "Yeah. He was my hero. Most kids feel that way about their pop, but he really was. Growing up, I watched him drive my brothers crazy with how he was always right. He didn't even lord it over us, he was just...right."

Leon shook his head and shrugged, "Each of us took a swing at him at least once in our arrogant lives though, just because we couldn't stand the fact that he was so fucking smart."

Rebecca smiled to encourage him, "It's hard to accept someone knows better. Feels a lot like I told you so, right?"

He laughed again and nodded, "Yeah. Exactly, but he was just a good guy. Salt of the Earth, farmer. Couldn't have been prouder when I got accepted to the academy and started winning at everything. Sometimes I think he was living through each other us vicariously, ya know? I don't think he ever really knew that I'll spend the rest of my life trying to be half the man he was."

Rebecca felt something soft squeeze around her heart. He wasn't just a beautiful face, he had a beautiful spirit too. He was the guy with the whole wide world at his disposal and still called his dad his hero. It wasn't that face that would keep you coming back for more, she realized, that was just the hook to reel you in.

After a handful of seconds, his eyes widened a little, "...aaaaand apparently instead of work today, I'm going to monopolize you to tell you my sad life story."

Rebecca shook her head, "You kidding? This is the most anyone has talked to me in days. I'm glad I'm not the only person in Raccoon with verbal diarrhea."

He laughed and shook his head, "Me too. This is gonna sound weird, but I don't know a soul here. Would you like to..." He trailed off and shrugged.

She nodded, feeling her face flush again, "Be friends? I would like that. Can I..." She paused and shook her head, "...never mind."

"No. What?"

She rolled her lip under her top teeth and reached up to tug his ponytail. "Cute as that is, I think you'd look really good if you went with something shorter. Thor can pull off the long hair but a rookie in the RPD?"

Leon nodded, looking encouraged, "Yeah? Good point. Like military buzz or what?"

"...no. Hah.  _No."_ What a horrifying thought. Rebecca just  _knew_ that would be a tragedy, "...you wanna go get it cut after work? I could go with you and help you out. If you trust me to pick your hairstyle."

Leon winked at her, "Why not? You did a good job with yours."

"Yeah?"

"You bet, suits your face. What's the word...elfin?"

Rebecca flushed a little and blew out a hard breath. She had to get this blushing under control, it was making her light headed. "Yeah. I look like a little girl."

Leon tilted his head at her. He actually looked...amused? Something. "...I don't think that's true. Most girls use a lot of hair to hide their faces. You don't need to hide yours, you should keep that hair short forever. Your face deserves to be seen. I think it's timeless. Like Audrey Hepburn."

Oh.

That did it.

If she hadn't been half in love with him just by looking at his face, she was there now. Rebecca was pretty sure she was just staring at him with her mouth agape. She wanted to find out what he tasted like.

It was the right moment? Was it?

Someone called his name and he turned his head, she leaned in to kiss him, and she tripped on her own foot. It was a comedy of errors. She fell against his chest, he stumbled back and grabbed her to keep her from toppling over, and he tripped on the rolling bucket behind him left there with a mop in it by maintenance. He tried to stay upright, failed, and took them both to the floor in a heap.

The bucket overturned and covered them in dirty mop water. Someone laughed. Someone else hurried over to help them up.

Rebecca, feeling dizzy with shame, whispered, "...I'm a klutz."

Leon shook his head with a bark of laughter, "You kidding? This is like an episode of a sitcom or something. Is there a camera recording us right now?"

Rebecca felt her face flame, "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," He shifted to help her up. Her files were a lost cause though as they lay in the water; ruined, "You ok?"

_I just knocked us both over trying to kiss you._

"Besides being mortified, I'm fine." Rebecca shifted away from him with a shake of her head, "You sure you wanna be my friend? You might end up on your ass a lot."

Eyes twinkling, Leon's boots squeaked wetly as they slogged to safety. "I'll risk it. Everybody needs a good kick in the ass sometimes, right?"

Rebecca shook her head and told him, "A brave man, Leon Kennedy." She started toward the S.T.A.R.S. office. He followed after her as they both slurped in their clothes.

"I'm a coward, but tell anyone. They'll take away my man card."

Rebecca grinned at him as they moved instead toward the linen room to retrieve new uniforms. "I don't think so. I think it takes a pretty brave guy to join a police force in a city known for rising crime."

He opened the door to the linen room so they could go in and claim new uniforms from the shelves. "Don't you know? Every guy wants to be a hero. Best way to do that is to sign up for a job with a high chance of becoming one."

Rebecca took the medic uniform off and pressed it to her chest as she watched him select another pair of pants. "I should probably go report in, huh?"

He winked at her as he slung the pants over his shoulder and opened the door for her again, "Probably. Never cool to be late on your first day."

She paused the S.T.A.R.S. office door, "...you gonna try out for S.T.A.R.S.?"

"Eventually..." He flashed a wolfish smile and paced backward as he headed toward the lounge to change, "You put in a good word for me?"

Rebecca grinned at him and gave him a thumbs up. "Absolutely. I'll tell them you're really good at falling on your ass and getting back up."

He laughed and winked back at her, "There's my girl. See ya later alligator."

When he was gone through the door, Rebecca slumped a little against the one she stood by. Lord. LORD. Her heart was just thumping and bumping and quivering. He was beautiful. He really, really was. How did she get him to see her as a woman and not a girl?

Face flushed, she opened the door to her new job.

And spent the rest of her shift trying to pay attention to anything but big blue eyes winking at her.

* * *

As they returned from her first ride along, Rebecca caught sight of Leon in the lobby. She lifted her hand to wave and accepted her jacket from her trainer as they headed toward the stairs. Beside her, Jill Valentine was saying, "The most important thing is to remember that rear security isn't about the assault, Rebecca, it's about defense. Your pointman needs you to guarantee his safety."

Rebecca returned, "Got it."

Jill grinned at her, "It's really refreshing to have a trainee who is so eager. I gotta commend you on being so gung-ho today."

Rebecca started to answer and her name was hailed in the lobby. Leon came jogging toward her with a stack of files in his hand. A little breathless, he told her, "I saved what I could...there might be some stuff missing."

Rebecca smiled at him and shook her head, "You didn't have to do that." Touched by the effort, she patted his arm above his elbow pad, "But thank you."

"Sure," He shrugged, "It wasn't any t-"

He went quiet so suddenly that her brows arched up. She waited, but he was staring over her shoulder. Curious, Rebecca turned her head.

He was staring at Jill Valentine.

She was talking with Chris and Joseph Frost. She was laughing and shaking her head. She looked pretty gorgeous in that stupid hat she was wearing. Rebecca, feeling her heart lurch, remarked, "...she's pretty, huh?"

Shaking his head like a dog coming out of the water, Leon kept staring at Jill, "You kidding? I feel like the Captain of the Debate Club staring at the prom queen...is she single?"

Rebecca felt her belly seize in jealousy and sighed, "I can find out."

He nodded and patted her shoulder, "Thanks, pal. See you after work?"

She smiled at him as he moved toward the group of S.T.A.R.S. Rebecca watched him stop to chat. He flushed a little talking to Jill. It was like watching  _her_ talking to  _him._

Jill didn't seem interested, but she was polite and friendly. She laughed at whatever he said and nodded. Joseph and Chris kept smirking at each other and rolling their eyes. When Leon hurried away with a thumbs up at something they'd asked of him, Chris glanced at Rebecca and rolled his eyes.

She shook her head and moved toward him. He separated from Jill and Joseph to walk her back to the office, "...what a geek."

Rebecca laughed, "He's not. You just don't want him sniffing around Jill."

Amused, Chris opened the office door for her, "Maybe. But he's a doofus, Bec. He stuttered like an idiot."

Sighing, Rebecca set her jacket on the hook by the door. "That happens when you like someone, I hear."

"Jill won't go for it. Trust me."

As if he'd conjured her from the air, Jill emerged through the doors and was in mid-conversation with Joseph. "-Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She's supposed to be what? Sixteen?"

Joseph shrugged, "Don't care, I'd tap that ass."

"...sicko." Jill smiled over at them, "I think you scared that rookie, Red. He ran off like the floor was on fire."

Chris grinned at Rebecca, "I know. He's eager as a puppy. I'm gonna enjoy busting his balls."

Jill rolled her eyes, "Don't be hard on him. He seemed sweet."

Rebecca gathered her things off her desk to get ready to go home. "...he's nice looking, right?"

Jill nodded as she kicked over the rubber chicken that had fallen off Chris' desk to get to her own. "He's a nice looking kid. Young and green. But he seems pliable enough. He'll do well here."

Rebecca sighed. She had no clue. Jill was a blind as Leon apparently. Rebecca might have enlightened her about it, but why? She didn't want Jill to start looking back at the rookie.

Selfish, but true.

"You guys done with me for the day?"

Chris nodded and dropped into his chair with a squeak of springs. "You bet. Get outta here. Most of the new kids like to hang around J's Bar after work. You can't drink, but you might find Claire there shooting pool."

Rebecca nodded as she headed toward the door, "'Thanks, but I have plans already."

Jill grinned, "Yeah? Hot date?"

Chris laughed. Joseph snorted. Rebecca felt that familiar sting of hurt that men naturally assumed she wasn't dateable. So she said, "Yep. Wish me luck."

Jill winked at her, "You don't need it. Go get him, girl."

Chris called, "Tell him I'll cut his hands off if he gets fresh with you."

Of course. He always thought of her like she was his other sister. Rebecca scoffed, "As if I'd tell you anything about it. I saw what happened to Claire's last boyfriend."

He'd disappeared, mysteriously, and was rumored to have transferred schools.

Chris shrugged, "I warned him. The idiot."

He started talking about how Claire was only allowed to date men he approved of to "help perpetuate the long and prestigious Redfield bloodline" which made Jill laugh and slap the back of his head, and Rebecca closed the door on their goofing.

As she was heading down the hallway, she heard him shout beyond the door, " _FOR THE BLOODLINE!"_

And she heard Joseph, Jill, and Barry Burton exploding with laughter as Jill shouted back, " _Fuck the patriarchy!"_

Shaking her head, Rebecca headed into the locker room to change. She wished she had something cute and feminine, but she was just a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl. She put on a white one with a cartoon zombie plastered on the front beneath the phrase "Shoot them in the head".

Putting her little red purse over her chest in a crossbody style, she headed to the lobby.

She should have known he'd look even better out of uniform. He wore a blue button up beneath a darker blue windbreaker. It looked casually tossed over jeans and a pair of white sneakers. He was talking to one of the other officers as he headed toward her.

The guy in question swung his head toward her and shot a finger gun at her.

Rebecca gave him a stilted smile and a thumbs up. His name tag said: Ryman. Nice looking guy - five o'clock shadow and shaggy hair over a wrinkled uniform that looked slept in.

Leon paused again as his lieutenant stopped him to have a word. Everybody knew Marvin Branagh. He was the guy who made heroes out of baby cops. He patted Leon on the shoulder and made the other man grin. He reminded Rebecca of Denzel Washington in an RPD uniform.

Leon hurried toward her juggling his keys in his hand, "Sorry. Sorry. You been there long?"

"Nope." She waited as he opened the door. It was pouring rain outside and she'd left her jacket on the hook upstairs. "...frick. I should go grab my slicker."

She paused to head back to grab it and he said, "You kidding? Don't bother. Here."

He whipped off his jacket and slung it around her shoulders. He even took the hood to drape it over her hair for her. "Not much, but it'll keep you from looking like a drowned rat."

It smelled like him. Like some kind of cologne and...wood smoke? From a fire? Maybe. She tried not to snuggle it around her.

Glancing at her, he queried, "You ready, kid? My Jeeps right down the block there. The black one."

She laughed and shrugged, "Will I ever be?"

He winked. He slung his arm around her shoulders and guided her beside him as they ran for his Jeep. She had the jacket, and he still covered her so she'd get hit with as little rain as possible. As they sloshed up to the Jeep, he dropped his keys trying to open her door.

"...fucking turd on the tush of a tramp!"

Rebecca giggled at him as he laughed and grabbed for the keys under the Jeep. "I actually think I'd have to see that to believe it."

Leon grinned and opened her door. When she leaped in, he helped her get situated before closing the door and running around to the driver's seat. He was soaked by the time he joined her in the warm cab of the vehicle.

Giggling, Rebecca told him, "...who's the drowned rat now huh?"

Leon laughed and patted her knee before he stepped on the clutch and turned the engine of the Jeep over with a nice roar of sound, "Small price to pay for a lady's honor."

Rebecca shook her head, charmed, and settled back in the seat as he drove across town. The barber shop was close to J's Bar. Maybe she could invite him there when they were done.

As he found a spot on the street near the barber, Leon glanced over at her, "First day go good?"

She nodded, "Everyone was very nice. They treat me like I'm their little sister."

He grinned, "It's 'cause you're so cute."

Ugh.

She sighed, "Naturally. I'm always the cute one."

Not hearing the disdain in that comment, he answered, "I haven't met a girl as cute as you in a long time, pal. Embrace the cute. It works on you."

He leaped out of the side to run around for her again. Rebecca slid out and nearly fell over the curb. He caught her, laughing, and half carried her against his front to the sidewalk before he sat her down. Her hammering, she let him cover her again as they ran for the barber.

When they popped into the shop with a jingle of bells signaling their arrival, Leon caught her arms and shook his hair like a dog. She laughed, admonishing him, "How is that helping me at all here?"

He winked at her, "I'm a gentleman, not a pushover. Just sharing the wealth."

Shaking her head, Rebecca watched the rain slide down his face. She was kinda jealous of it. She bet his skin felt incredible.

He tugged the hood down on the jacket and studied her, "...yep. Worth getting wet for. Your hair looks perfect, m'lady."

Rebecca stared owlishly at him as he ruffled her hair with his hand, "I like the red mixed in there. Got some Irish in your family tree?"

She cleared her throat as he let go of her and turned away. Lord. He was stopping her heart just by existing. "Nope. You?"

He grinned at her as he took a seat by a mirror, "You kidding? Kennedy?"

She chuckled and the stylist joined them. A short discussion later and she was perched at another station watching the wonder of a brilliant mind. She didn't need the stylist to even finish before she saw the greatness of what she'd done.

Aloud, the stylist remarked, "Oh, honey, I think I deserve a medal here."

She was right about that. Her name was Roz and she had teased up bleach blonde hair and a huge bosom stuffed into her apron. She was slathered in cake makeup and smelled like cigarettes.

And she was a wizard with scissors.

She mused, "What's that kid in that  _Titanic_  movie?"

Rebecca laughed and returned, "I was thinking more Eddie Furlong in  _Terminator 2_."

Leon pursed his lips, "...you sure? It's still kinda long."

Rebecca and Roz shared a grin. They said, in tandem, "We're sure."

Shrugging, he remarked, "Majority rules. I'll keep it."

After they paid and headed back into the rain, Rebecca was intensely aware that he was even more beautiful with that haircut. In the ponytail, he'd looked like he'd had a severe short cut. This? It framed his face in a way that left you staring and trying, desperately, to locate a single flaw.

As he steered the Jeep onto the road, he asked, "You wanna go grab some dinner or something? Or you want me to drop you at home?"

She should invite him to J's Bar right? It's what people did. To her surprise, she found herself saying, "You wanna go to the Zoo?"

And his eyes twinkled as he glanced at her and back at the road, "In the rain?"

"...right. It's raining." She felt like an idiot, "That's stupid. Forget I said it. There's a bar down the street we can go to...but I can't drink."

He laughed, "I don't drink either. "

She arched her brows. A cop who didn't drink?

Leon finally slapped the steering wheel, "You know what? I don't think it's stupid at all. Let's go to the zoo."

"...really?"

"Oh, yeah. Fuck it. You only live once. Let's go get jealous of the monkeys who are dry."

Two strangers in a new city willing to try out the unexpected. It was a really nice way to start a friendship. She stared at his profile as he angled the Jeep toward the Zoo. The gray light made him look somehow even better than the sunlight.

Or maybe she was just enraptured with him.

It wasn't healthy. She was a doctor, in a way, she knew it wasn't healthy. It couldn't end well. Girls like her? They didn't get guys like him. He was football Captain and heartthrob on the cover of  _Tiger Beat_ magazine. He wasn't a guy who picked the skinny little bookworm.

He picked girls like Jill Valentine with her perfect ass and pretty face.

He'd never look at Rebecca and see her as anything but a buddy. She knew that. It was stupid to want him.

But she just kept staring at him anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

_._

* * *

**Some Kind of Wonderful**

* * *

_**Chapter Two:** _

_**Partners in Crime** _

* * *

" _The knowledge that she would never be loved in return acted upon her ideas as a tide acts upon cliffs."_

**― Thornton Wilder, The Bridge of San Luis Rey**

* * *

**Raccoon City - 1998**

* * *

You hadn't seen funny until you'd seen Leon Kennedy running from a miniature goat in the petting zoo.

It started out simple enough. He fed the little goat a bottle of milk. He petted it and managed to look adorable. Rebecca had worn his coat and watched him be dazzled by the tiny horned creatures while he laughed and talked.

He just talked and talked and she listened with the rapt attention of a woman eyeball deep in love.

"My Dad had Boer goats. They made good living lawn mowers ya know? But I always wanted him to get some of these pygmies. You ever seen anything cuter?" He grinned at her and Rebecca thought  _nope._ But she didn't mean the goats. The goats were cute...he was cuter.

She watched in wonder as he made friends with the little goat. It must have been a girl one because it flirted at him and bleated sweetly for his continuous attention. He was so busy enjoying it and Rebecca was so busy enjoying him, that neither of them saw the angry billy goat that came bouncing down the little rock wall behind him. It rammed him right in the butt and nearly threw him to his face in the mud.

And then?

He just started running.

He was laughing the whole time of course. Rebecca couldn't stop her own giggles even as they fled out of the pen and to safety. As they closed the gate, Leon panted, "You laughing at me, Chambers?"

Rebecca covered her mouth with her hand shook her head wildly, "...nope. No. Uh-uh."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "I think you're laughing."

"...I think your ass is a target for trouble."

"You might be right." He winked at her as he stood up and gathered a heavy breath. "Still...it's bro code not to laugh at a bro when he's being attacked."

"...oh?" She giggled again and Leon gave her narrow eyes. Defending herself, she explained, "I'm not a bro."

Amused, he looped an arm over her shoulders, "Good as any bro I ever had, Chambers. You want to go look at the alligators in the rain?"

"I can't think why not."

As they walked, she risked a little moment of her own to put her head on his shoulder. He didn't seem to mind. He was still chattering at her like they were best friends, "-and my brother Conrad just...hit the gas and ran right over the whole thing."

Rebecca smiled softly, "Your poor fort."

"I know. I spent all day building it. You never,  _ever_ knock down a man's fort, Rebecca."

"No?"

"No. That's a fightin offense."

"Is it?" She shifted a little and risked putting her arm around his waist. When he squeezed her shoulders companionably, she left it there. Her heart was just thundering so hard she was light headed.

"Absolutely. There's a few things in life worth fighting for, Bec." Bec...she liked it. It made her lip roll under her teeth to hear it.

Curious she wondered, "What's that?"

"...equality." He nodded to himself as he opened the door to the Monkey House. You had to go through it to get to the swamp exhibit, "...freedom."

Nodding, Rebecca mourned a little when he let go of her to let her duck under his arm into the cool dry inside. She studied his face in the semi-dark building. It had that smell that said primates. She watched a little ringtail lemur scurry up a tree in his glass enclosure.

And Leon added, "...love."

She paused. Her heart thunked hard. "Yeah?"

He shrugged a shoulder, "Sure. Everybody fights for love, right? I mean...what else is worth dying for, right?"

Right.

Ooof.

Smiling, she quipped, "Better education for underserved youth?"

He smirked and she added, "The end of apartheid?"

"Sheesh. Someone's miss smarty pants, huh?"

A silverbacked gorilla was staring at them as they rounded a corner. Right up against the glass, his intelligent face was seemingly judging her for starry-eyed affection. Interested, Leon stared back at him.

"...he's huge."

Rebecca, without missing a beat, muttered, "That's what she said."

And Leon? He just laughed. "Touche'."

Grinning, Rebecca tilted her head at him, "He's kinda handsome though."

Leon puckered his lips in consideration. He tilted his head one way and back the other. Finally, he remarked, "Kinda looks like Chris Redfield, right?"

Rebecca barked out a laugh. "In what way!?"

"You know...the big ass hairy arms. Damn thing looks like it could punch a hole in this glass to kill me."

Rebecca couldn't stop the giggles, "You think he could punch that stone wall over there and fight his way to freedom?"

"Shit, yeah. What else matters?"

He was leaning on the glass watching the gorilla. In the background, the females were carrying for a little baby. Adorable, Rebecca thought, they shifted the infant between them like...well, humans. It was fascinating how close to human they were.

The chimpanzee exhibit was right next to the gorillas.

Aloud, she speculated, "Chimps actually sure ninety-six perfect of our DNA."

Impressed, Leon nodded, "This one shares one hundred percent of Redfield's. Look, even the ears are the same."

"A gorilla isn't a chimp."

"I know. Redfield isn't smart enough to be a chimp...he's just a chump."

His ire for Chris was just boy jealousy, that much was obvious. What had Chris said to him to make it so thick?

Rebecca laughed, watching his profile. The rain was sliding down his nose. His hair was dripping on his soaked shirt. The shirt clung to him in a way that outlined each muscle in his chest. He wasn't Chris, that part was true, but he was in really, really, really good shape. She was curious about what he looked like without that shirt on.

It felt like it might be a good time to kiss him.

She leaned forward with her eyes closed and puckered her lips...and ended up lips pressed to the glass wall of the chimp habitat.

Behind the glass, the chimp there blew a raspberry and kissed back at her.

Leon chuckled. Apparently, he'd shifted away while she'd been trying to make her move. Embarrassed, but amused by the chimp flirting with her, she remarked, "...maybe I should ask Chris out. This guy clearly likes me."

Leon snorted, "Don't sell yourself short. You can do better."

Grinning, she followed him out of the Monkey House. The rain was a drizzly mess now as they made their way toward the swamp exhibit. Laughing, Rebecca wondered, "Such intense dislike. Didn't you just meet him today?"

"Meats the word. He's a meathead. He treats lower rank guys like they're gophers...and he just-he talks to her like a douche and drives me crazy."

Quietly, Rebecca asked, "To whom?"

"You know...Valentine."

Ah.

Her heart thumping, Rebecca nodded sagely, "He talks to her like they're friends. Because they are. For a long time."

Leon shrugged, "I guess. What's she see in that guy anyway? He's...stupid. And sits around making fart jokes all the time."

Rebecca sighed as they stopped to watch the alligators swim in the stinky water. "Maybe she's just waiting for him to stop seeing her as a bromance and start seeing her as a romance."

Leon scoffed, "Stupid  _and_ blind. What a catch."

_Look who's talking, Mr. Kennedy._

Rebecca rolled her eyes, "Right. He's pretty dumb."

"No shit."

Sighing again, she said, "Let's head back. It's getting late."

"Yeah?' He glanced at his watch. "Shit. It's almost eight. Sorry I kept you out so long. It was just really good to hang out with somebody. I haven't had a lot of opportunities to make friends yet."

Letting the resentment of Jill go, Rebecca patted his arm sympathetically. "Me either. I'm glad we met."

"Me too." He grinned and looped his arm around her shoulders again to one arm hug her, "Thanks for being my new friend, Chambers. I'm glad we sat in dirty water together."

Shaking her head, she climbed into the Jeep as he opened the door for her. As he went around to the driver's side, she wondered if he knew he was just as stupid as Chris Redfield. He looked at Jill like Jill looked at Chris. Maybe all men were just blind about "bros".

What she knew about boys would just about fill up a shot glass, so she needed an expert opinion on it. "Can you drop me at J's Bar? I think a friend of mine is there."

"Sure." He angled the Jeep toward downtown. As he drove, he talked about the academy. Top of his class, best marksman, a "natural". He said, "They told me I was a shoe-in for S.T.A.R.S. if I transferred out here. No offense, but how did you make it? You don't seem like a cop."

Rebecca shrugged and smiled, "I'm a genius. Turns out genius beats out useless."

Leon laughed and rolled the Jeep to the curb by the bar. "I don't think you're useless, Chambers. I think you're uniquely useful." He opened her door and offered her a hand down in the rain to the curb.

"Yeah? How so?"

He shrugged, "I just got this feeling you're gonna do something pretty great one day."

Charmed, she studied him in the murky moonlight. A grumble of thunder had her sighing as she returned, "Ditto. Thanks for a great day, Leon."

He winked at her, "Same goes. Keep the jacket, ok? I'll see you at work tomorrow."

He shifted like he'd...what? Kiss her?!

Rebecca eagerly turned her face up for it.

And his arms looped around her for a tight hug.

He even patted her back.

Her pursed lips skimmed over his ear. He didn't even seem to notice. Her heart fell out her butt and landed in the rain.

Mortified, she stared blankly as he let her go with a...pat on the head. "See ya later alligator."

As he hurried around the Jeep to get in, Rebecca slugged toward the bar. She opened it, stepped inside, and caught a glimpse of Claire hustling pool with Cindy Lennox who was still in her waitress uniform.

Claire was laughing as she basically lifted the money off two good looking college guys. She had a march of hoops up her left ear and her thick red hair in two separate ponytails woven together. She wore skintight jeans, cowboy boots in dark leather, and the red denim vest she was never without. It had an angel on the back with a torpedo in her hands. When Chris had come back from being deployed, he'd brought back a leather bomber jacket with the same image on it. He'd given Claire the vest and told her it would mean they were always together and no matter where she went, he would be there to protect her.

As much as Leon thought he was a jerk, Chris had stepped in to raise Claire when they'd lost their parents. Sometimes she wanted to kill him, but she was definitely a stronger girl for the things he'd taught her. It didn't surprise Rebecca at all to find he was protective of Jill either, to the point of driving off prospective rookies with a crush. He'd been driving off Claire's boyfriends for years.

As Claire caught sight of her, she waggled her fingers. Rebecca was halfway to her when an arm hooked over her shoulders. Hoping it was Leon, she was only slightly disappointed to find Katherine Warren, the Mayor's daughter, joining her.

"There's a gorgeous face! Where ya been, girl?"

Gorgeous. That was Katherine too. Rebecca spent more of her life being outshone by beautiful women. If she had a problem with it, she would likely never make any friends. Katherine was blonde in the way of a Valkyrie, with yards of platinum hair braided in pigtails around her angelic face. Like anyone else in Raccoon, she had whispers about her. That her mother was Annette Birkin, who'd been sleeping with her father, Michael for years. That her father was William Birkin, who'd been sleeping with her mother. Katherine took the rumors in stride.

She used her father's power to advantage and flirted with everything. You could find her, when she wasn't in class at the university, hanging around the RPD to oogle the rookies. Rebecca was just betting that Katherine knew alllll about Leon.

Despite being spoiled and almost ridiculously narcissistic, Katherine made for a powerful ally as a friend. She would destroy anyone who spoke badly about you...in public, without mercy. When a local plumber had failed to reveal he was married to Claire until his wife had shown up on their date to inform her, Katherine had made it her mission to humiliate him by hitting on him, convincing him she was going to sleep with him, and then doing what she and Claire would later call "the beggar". He'd ended up trying to get out of the park without his pants.

Rebecca had never asked what was involved in their revenge. She felt it was best left...unspoken.

Rebecca told her, "I was just hanging out. What's new?"

"Same old, same old."

Claire high fived her as they joined her at the pool table. The college guys were happy to stick around after losing all their money to flirt with Kat and Claire. In typical fashion, they were perfectly nice to her, but they didn't bother to flirt with Rebecca.

In fairness, Rebecca didn't flirt either. She wasn't entirely sure she'd be any good at it. Testing the theory, she tried tossing her hair and giggling at something one of them said. Almost like a science experiment.

To her surprise, he angled a little more toward her and signaled Cindy to bring her a beer.

Over his shoulder, Claire gave her a wink.

Was it really this easy?

Maybe she could use it on Leon. She watched Claire and copied her flirting style. Whatever else was true, Rebecca was a quick study.

She was also a terrible lightweight. Two beers in, she was swaying on her feet. But that seemed to encourage her erstwhile suitor. He was a nice looking guy if a little short. Which sounded funny coming from a girl that was barely five foot two.

With his curly black hair around a rather sweet face, he leaned over and asked, "Do you want to go out sometime? I'm in the dorm over at the university. We could get a coffee or somethin."

The world was spinning too fast.

Feeling proud, Rebecca giggled and told him, "Sure. I think that's ok. I jus-"

And then she barfed.

She just barfed all over the table.

He backed off like she was on fire. Claire immediately grabbed her to keep her from falling over. The other patrons all paused to stare and Kat shouted, "Shows over, folks! Go on with your drinkin!"

Quietly, Cindy offered, "Why don't you take her toward the break room and let her sober up?"

Claire nodded and laughed as she guided Rebecca toward the stairs. Slurring, Rebecca hiccuped, "...s-sorry...I'm so stupid."

Claire kissed her temple, "Please. We all do it. Last friday? I stole a six pack from the fridge while Chris was at work and bombed the whole thing in the park. I barfed by the clock tower and passed out on a bench by Lenny the homeless guy."

Rebecca let Claire tucked her on the couch in the break room of the bar as Claire added, "Lenny covered me up with his jacket. I woke up three hours past curfew. Chris about skinned me alive when I got back."

Rebecca tugged a pillow under her swirling head, "...what'd you tell him?" She hiccuped again, cutely.

Claire petted her hair and answered, "The truth...sorta. I told him I'd gotten sick at a friends and must have fallen asleep. Chris is such a good-hearted pushover sometimes, he believed me. He actually brought me a glass of water and told me to skip my classes in the morning and sleep."

Yeah, Rebecca thought, the same guy that was a "meathead". It was always funny how antagonistic boys could be to each other over girls. Not her, but girls like Claire and Jill? You bet.

Sighing, Rebecca lamented, "...I don't think he's gonna call me."

Claire smiled softly, "Who cares? You can do better."

Everyone was telling her that these days. As Kat joined them to cover Rebecca up and rub her leg, in typical girl solidarity, Rebecca told them as the world spun again, "...I don't care. I-oh goodness- I met somebody today. He's just...he's  _beautiful."_

Grinning, Kat cooed, "Our little girl is all grown up, Claire! She's got herself her first crush."

Claire shook her head on a chuckle, "Do I know him?"

And Rebecca giggled, "It's your brother."

Kat barked out a laugh, "Nice choice."

Claire rolled her eyes, "She's kidding."

"Why? Your brother is smokin hot. She could do worse."

Claire crinkled her nose, "Number one - ew. That's my brother. Number two - it's not him anyway."

Rebecca sighed, still giggling, "It was once, but not anymore!" She sat up abruptly and waved her arms madly, "Ohhhh he's like-tall? And pretty! And he smells  _soooo good._ His is all...whooosh! He has this like...butt chin? He's just...and he's- oooh my face is so hot just talking about him! He has big-" She gestured to her arms and pumped her hands as her drunk brain searched for the word.

Kat drawled, "...balls?"

Claire nearly fell off the couch laughing. Rebecca did too. Kat raised her brows, "What? Is that wrong?"

And Rebecca giggled, "ARMS! He has big arms!"

Kat looked disappointed, "...bah. So does Chris. What else?"

"He has the most adorable little..."

"...dick?"

Claire this time making the joke. Kat hooted a laugh at her. Rebecca sighed in frustration.

Rebecca pointed at her face, "...ya know? Eyes?"

"Sure." Kat glanced at Claire, "But what about his balls?"

They all dissolved into laughter again as young girls will. The truth? None of them had ever really seen a pair of balls in person. They were all good girls that liked to pretend they were worldly.

Rebecca, of course, had no clue that her two best friends were big fat liars about their love lives. So she assumed they would have all the answers she needed to help her seduce a certain rookie.

Wisely, Claire finally told her, "We will help you get him, B. It's the least we can do."

B for Becca. She'd been calling that for as long as either of them remembered. Kat added her nod. "Yep. Tell me where to find him, I'll scout him out and get the deets."

Rebecca shook her head. She curled up on the couch and sighed, "Nope. Can't. You'll fall in love with him and try to take him from me."

Claire laughed, shaking her head, "Silly, B...how cute could he possibly be?"

* * *

Working hungover was awful.

Rebecca kept trying to hold her nausea in check as she filled out paperwork. The oily feeling in her belly wouldn't abate. This was her punishment for trying to prove she wasn't just some adorable little sister type.

Lesson learned.

She was heading down to the lobby to go get some lunch when she spotted Kat coming toward her. Dressed in some little blue denim dress with white sneakers and her hair in a high ponytail, Kat managed to look gorgeous. She turned heads as she ran and looped arms with Rebecca, "What's up, big drinker?"

Rebecca sighed and laughed at herself, "I feel awful. I'm so embarrassed."

"Pfft, don't be. We've all done. Meanwhile...you're not the only one in love." She grinned huge and wide and tugged Rebecca down the stairs toward the big goddess statue in the lobby. Today, Rebecca felt sympathy for the beautiful ivory woman seemingly trapped by the enormous base which bound her to the floor. She felt trapped herself because she could probably just walk right over and tell Leon she was kinda crazy about him.

But she was a coward.

And?

Claire was talking to him.

Rebecca froze as Kat gushed, "Look at her! She's sooooo into him. He's super cute, right? He's new in town, just came from Brooklyn. Legacy cop or something from a long line of them."

Quietly, Rebecca whispered, "No. Acron. He's from Acron...his Dad's a farmer."

Kat paused with her brows arched, "...Ohio? Really? He's a farmboy?"

"...his family has a farm in Cuyahoga Falls. Before he came, he spent time on the farm thinking he might take it over when his dad passed...but his dad wanted him to be a hero."

Kat shrugged a shoulder, "Must have been the other rookie I was thinking of then. Horrible background aside, they say he's the best around with a pistol. I heard Redfield is  _pissed._ And it's about to get worse. Claire is gonna rope her that farmboy with the eagle eye and infuriate him."

Giggling, Kat confided, "I wish I'd seen him first!"

Rebecca felt her oily belly quiver. She watched Claire tug on Leon's badge on his sleeve. He was smiling at her, but he was always smiling. Rebecca watched him nod and offer Claire a pen from his chest pocket. She jotted down something, probably her number, and winked at him as she backed up.

Kat sighed, "Score. See? That's how it's done."

It was. That was how Claire did it, alright. She was ballsy like that. As she turned toward them, grinning, Leon glanced over and went from smiling to grinning, "Bec! Hey! Where ya been all morning? You wanna grab some lunch?"

Kat froze. She glanced down at Rebecca and her grin turned into a grimace, "...shit.  _Shit._ _That's_ him?"

Rebecca nodded and said softly, "Don't tell, Claire. He doesn't-he isn't-he's just a friend."

Rebecca moved toward him and smiled, "Hey. Rough night for me, apparently. I decided I'd try my hand at being a lush."

As they passed each other, Claire bobbled her brows and fake swooned where he couldn't see her. Rebecca gave her a wooden smile and kept walking. Her poor little heart hurt by the time she reached his desk.

He was gathering up some reports that he had to drop at reception and patted her back with his other hand, "I've been there. You want to know what helps?"

_Not feeling like someone took a shit on your heart?_

"...french fries."

He grinned at her, "Bingo! Let's go get some."

She'd like to get some, but she was being cockblocked by every fucking girl in the RPD apparently. How did she compete with that? And what if he liked Claire back? She would  _never_ get in Claire's way over a guy.

As they headed to his Jeep, Rebecca hated the sunshine on her face. It was a nice fall morning, cool and pretty out. She should be enjoying it, but between the hangover and heartbreak...she was just feeling like crap.

It took him about two blocks to figure out she was being too quiet. Concerned, he shifted into fourth gear and then reached over to rub her knee. "Hey...you ok? You just feel that bad?"

She smiled shakily at him, "I'm an idiot. I let a cute guy chat me up and buy me drinks last night...and then barfed on the table."

His brows winged up. His mouth twitched into a smile. He laughed and shook his head, "...yikes. Now we're on the same page. The first girl I ever liked? I smoked a pack of cigarettes just to look cool in front of her...and ended up throwing up on her instead of kissing her."

Rebecca eased back on feeling sorry for herself and chuckled, "What a pair we are. You seem to be doing better though. I saw you talking to Claire."

He nodded as he turned the Jeep into a parking spot by Jill's Sandwich Shop. It was the local eatery and a running joke for Jill herself. She was always being teased about being a Jill sandwich. Turned out, the owner of the shop was named Larry, and his dachshund was named Jill. With that discovery, the joking had gotten terrible. Jill was now a weenie dog.

But the Reubens were above approach.

They claimed a table outside as Leon grabbed a couple of menus. The shop was full of people, mostly cops, getting their lunches for take-out or a quick conversational bite. Rebecca ordered some fries. Leon took a chance and got something called the Big Bastard. It was accompanied by a picture of Barry Burton, who was good friends with Larry the shop owner. Larry and Barry were just minus Harry to really form the Three Stooges.

Leon was talking about Claire. "She seemed really nice. Real bubbly. She suggested we take a bike ride. I was thinking about buying one anyway, ya know?"

"What about pretty?"

He shrugged and laughed lightly, "Sure. She's pretty cute, but so are you. Raccoon's full of cute girls."

It was impossible to tell with that one statement whether that meant he liked Claire or that he  _liked_ Claire. He was infuriatingly charming. He'd make a hell of a politician with vague answers like that.

Rebecca sighed and stared forlornly at her fries. "She's my best friend. But she's Chris' sister, so be careful there."

Leon shrugged, "With what? We're just hanging out. She offered to be my friend. I'm not exactly swimming in them."

Rebecca smiled at him, "You need better friends than me anyway. The last fun thing I did was take all my CD's out of alphabetical order...I'm a real rebel."

Leon grinned at her and leaned over until his mouth was right by her ear to whisper, "I think we're perfect friends...I didn't fold my laundry last night. I just...left it in a heap. Who's the rebel now?"

If she turned her head, she could kiss him. It was that easy. She should do that. Just turn her head and pucker up. Her skin flushed, her eyes dilated with excitement...she turned her face and closed her eyes tight, he leaned back from whispering to her, and her lips missed his cheek by a breath.

She didn't know it and kept on leaning forward.

She nearly fell out of her chair until he put a hand on her arm to steady her, "Whoa. You ok?"

That's what she got for closing her eyes.

Voice squeaky, she told him, "...yeah. Hangovers. They stink."

Rebecca smiled weakly at him as he told her, "You should go home, Bec, and lie down. You look awful."

Great.

_Great._

Not only did she feel like shit, but she also looked like shit too. Great. Her cycle of shame was complete. She'd blown it, lost him to Claire, and managed to make him tell her she looked like shit.

Things had been shit since she'd set foot in this god awful town. She was in love with an idiot, she was the butt of the joke at work, she'd barfed on a table and fallen in dirty water, she'd kissed a chimp...she was just about to give up and go home. Nothing good happened in Raccoon City.

There was a huge difference between her and Claire. Huge. Enormous. Claire? She never cried. Rebecca? She just burst into tears.

Horrified, Leon just made it worse. He reacted like a normal person would and hugged her. Rebecca tried to resist, gave up, and clung. She put her snorting face against his neck as he rubbed her back in circles.

"Shhhh. It's ok. It doesn't last long, I promise. You'll feel better soon. Let's get you those fries, ok? Don't cry." He pressed a kiss to her temple, "You'll be alright."

Hiccuping, Rebecca told him, "I-I-I... _hate Raccoon City!_  I wish someone would bomb it off the face of the Earth. (*cough)" She almost wailed it.

His eyes were so wide as he kissed her forehead and laughed a little bit, "Hey...hey hey hey...it's just a hangover. Don't blame the city."

Rebecca shook her head and smelled his neck. He smelled like soap and sunshine today. She wanted to roll her snotty, teary face around on him like a cat scent marking. She was pathetic and didn't have the heart to care at the moment.

And she hitched out her confession, "...I hate it here. I tried to-to like it at first, ya know? But the people are  _rude_! And the traffic is awful! O-o-one lady threw a cat in my face and spit on me the other day! A m-man on the subway? He flashed me and he'd...he'd...he'd... _tucked his penis between his legs!"_

Over her head, Leon was trying not to find her adorable, but she just was. He soothed her, voice quivering with humor, "Did you want to see his junk, Bec?"

And she wailed, "Noooo! But why bother to flash someone if you hide the penis!?"

Did it matter that she'd never even seen one in...well...flesh? No, it did not!

He cleared his throat and laid his cheek on her soft hair to keep holding her, "...that's a good point. This morning? A guy pissing on the wall by my apartment asked me my name so he could piss it there for me in my honor because I gave him a ten dollar bill. So there are nice people in Raccoon too."

Rebecca snorted a laugh through her tears. "...a fat guy stole my cab!"

"...that happens anywhere, I hear. If he walked though, he wouldn't be so fat. That's his loss."

"A guy took my coffee at Starbucks! He saw my name on the cup! He still took it!"

Leon shook his head and patted her back, making little shhhh noises. "What a son of a bitch. The dregs of society. You want me to find him and kick his ass?"

She laughed again, wetly, and shook her head no against his chest, "...I think my cat ran away. I came home last night...and  _h-he...he...he..he was just gone!"_

Leon kissed her forehead again, "We'll find him. I'm sure he's just taking in the nightlife. Maybe he's looking for a nice raccoon to marry."

Rebecca sniffled and finally leaned back. He tilted her chin up to look at her and gave her an indulgent smile, "There's my girl. Feel better?"

If she leaned up, she could kiss him. Just up and smooch. She started to lean up and realized her nose was all snotty. She probably looked like a real piece of work.

Letting go of him, Rebecca leaned back in her chair. "...maybe there are some good people in this city."

"Yeah?"

She wiped at her cheeks with her hands, "Maybe."

Leon winked at her, "There we are. Name one."

Without missing a beat, Rebecca said, "You."

Touched, he offered his hand to her. She put hers in it and he brought it to his mouth to kiss the back of it. "You flatter me unduly, my lady. I'm just a guy whose Mama would box his ears if I let a girl cry without a shoulder."

She wanted to hold his hand. She pulled hers back instead and sighed, "I'm not making the best impression on you. Two days worth of friendship and you probably think I'm nuts."

Leon laughed gently. "'You kidding? This morning before I left for work, I lost my keys. I searched the whole shithole flop I'm living in without any luck. Turns out, I'd put them in the freezer and left my lunch by the front door. So...rotten food and frozen keys made me late...again. I've been late two days in a row. My lieutenant is not impressed. He assigned me shit detail for the rest of the week. I get to play traffic cop and pull the late shift until otherwise instructed. I was given a toothbrush and told to scrub the mens bathrooms as my first detail...literal shit duty. I'm not terribly fond of Raccoon City either at the moment."

Rebecca smiled at him wetly, "Partners in antipathy. Maybe we should burn this city down together."

He grinned at her, "You bet. You and me against the world, kid."

She wanted to be against his world. That part was so true. If she could stop shouting and falling and snotting all over him, maybe he'd start to see her like she was more than his bro.

Her heart stuttered. He laid his palm on the table and Rebecca put her hand in his. Little did he know, that he was rapidly becoming  _her_  whole world.


	3. Chapter 3

.

Some Kind of Wonderful

Chapter Three:

Nerds, Dorks, Geeks...and Gods

"The sun's gone dim, and  
The moon's turned black;  
For I loved him, and  
He didn't love back."

― Dorothy Parker

Raccoon City - 1998

Kat, being a good friend, didn't say a word to Claire about Leon being Rebecca's enormous, soul-searing, life-altering crush. However, she did come to Rebecca's that evening with a stack of videotapes.

Curious, Rebecca let her into her small downstairs apartment which was basically a rented room under a mortuary. It sounded morbid, but Rebecca preferred the silence of the dead. As long as they didn't come back to life and chase her, she was ok with them living upstairs.

Trying to be helpful, Kat - looking fabulous in a white pair of tiny shorts and a midriff tube top in lime green - told Rebecca, "Ok. So here's the thing...I did some sniffing around the station today about your hot farmboy."

Rebecca laughed lightly and shook her head, "I think he prefers Leon."

"Whatever. The thing about him? He seems to be whispered about by the girls...and the guys."

Rebecca's brows shot up into her hair. "...what?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm thinking he bats for both teams. They grow them weird in Ohio, right? Maybe he was getting cornholed in the cornfield." Kat shook her head and laughed, "Anyway! Anyway...the best thing we can do about Claire being interested in him is wait that out. You know how Claire is, she'll lose interest in a week anyway. But in the meantime? We need to get you ready to please a guy who has, potentially, been on both sides of the fence when it comes to lovers."

Rebecca was still reeling from the possible knowledge that Leon was bi-sexual. Was he? He was, in a way, very much a pretty boy. She was aware, after spending time in the RPD, that there were a handful of cops that did swing both directions. Was he one?

Would it matter if he was?

She wasn't worldly. She wasn't even close. Could she handle a man who'd...handled a man?

Katherine gestured with her hands at the television. "Here's where you benefit from my extensive knowledge."

With a yip of excitement, Rebecca instructed, "Wait wait! Let me grab a pen and some paper to take notes."

Kat laughed and shook her head, "You nerd. You don't need it, but whatever. I'll get the instructional video fired up. Claire will be here in a minute too because she needs to learn all about this too. Just in case."

Rebecca grabbed a notebook and a pen as Kat fired up the tape. "This first one is called Whore Ashore! Jessica goes down."

Rebecca froze as the credits rolled. Her eyes widened in horror. "...Kat...?"

"Mmm?" Kat brought her popcorn over and plopped on the couch beside Rebecca, "Sup?"

"...is this a-" Rebecca whispered it now, "...a dirty movie?"

Eyes twinkling, Kat returned, "Oh, you bet. Erotica I think the girl called it. I figure - this is how we get you ready. You need to use that huge brain of yours to learn how to please a man, B. If you can grab his balls and make him squeal, he'll love you forever."

Eyes wide, Rebecca watched the movie begin. Kat was so wise. Surely she was right. She knew everything about everything. When the door opened and Claire joined them in her workout clothes, Rebecca knew it was like a lecture now.

Claire knew all about boys. She was the wizard of Raccoon City singles.

Little did any of them know that none of them knew anything at all about boys.

The opening scene showed a woman in a wet suit with one leg exposed that bared her buttock. She was tying her boot at the edge of a boat while her male partner, a hugely muscled jock type with pecs bigger than a pair of perfect breasts, was ignoring her to stare through his binoculars. In a whiny voice, the girl in the wet suit remarked, "It's so cold!"

And the man replied, without any tone at all in his boring voice, "You should have worn your thermal underwear."

To which the girl pouted, "Or...you could just hold me close and keep me warm."

Rebecca jotted that down on her notepad.

Kat remarked, "See how he ignores her? He's gay."

Claire nodded where she sat, "He's totally gay. You ever seen a straight guy get that big? He's doing steroids because he needs to impress the other dudes."

Kat shook her head sagely, "Yep. And it keeps your junk small, right? So it fits better in...ya know...the butthole."

Claire and Rebecca both helped themselves to handfuls of popcorn as they nodded with wide eyes. On the boat, the girl in the wetsuit was now rubbing herself all over the muscled guy with the binoculars. He kept staring through them as he told her, "For god's sake, Jessica! Focus on the mission."

Kat stuffed popcorn in her mouth and said, "See? Totally gay."

The boat had reached the cruise liner. They climbed together onto the deck and found themselves looking at a woman in a blue wetsuit. She was beautiful with long dark hair and huge boobs. Aloud, Claire complimented her, "Look at that ass! No wonder he wanted to get on that ship."

Quietly, Rebecca whispered, "She kinda looks like Jill."

Both other girls tilted their heads back and forth and Kat laughed. Claire nodded and stuffed more popcorn in her mouth, "She soooo does. That ass, am I right?"

Apparently, Jessica had had enough of being ignored. She stuck her hand right into the pants of the guy who was too busy making googoo eyes at the girl in blue. Gay or not, Rebecca thought, he liked that a lot.

She jotted it down in her notebook.

Claire made a whistling sound, "Steroids my left buttcheek. Look at that package!"

The guy in the video had a huge penis. In gross anatomy class, Rebecca had learned how to stitch and sew and work on a human corpse. The man had been dead, sure, but he'd also been a man. She'd looked at his very dead junk.

The first real penis she'd ever seen...the only real penis she'd ever seen.

That one didn't look anything like the one in the video.

With a note of disgust, Claire wondered, "Why does it look like a sharpei?"

Kat, trying to sound smart, told her, "...that's what they look like. You know that Claire."

Clearing her throat, Claire boasted, "Sure. Right. Yeah. You know...it's usually dark so..."

Kat nodded, "Yep. They like it dark."

"Super dark." Claire agreed.

Kat finished, "Yeah. Boys do not want to see you while you do it."

"No way!" Claire nodded rapidly. "They like it dark as fuck. Pitch black."

Rebecca wrote that down.

On the movie, the big muscled guy apparently liked it bright. He was fucking Jessica with her face down against some barrels. The girl who looked like Jill was on the bottom of them and Jessica was...pleasuring her.

Eyes wide, Rebecca squeaked, "Do I have to..do that to another girl?!"

Claire, panicking, tried to sound wise again, "...no. No. Ew. No. That's...you just do that for their birthday."

Kat jumped in with her opinion, "Right. And sometimes you just...let them put it in your butt."

Picking up the cue, Claire tossed out, "Yep. You just...push down like you're pooping and it doesn't hurt."

Rebecca looked terrified. "I can't fit something like that in my butt."

Kat patted her shoulder, "Don't worry. What's the likelihood that he'll have a big wiener anyway?"

Sounding wise again, Claire added, "Exactly. Most guys are like...hotdogs." That sounded really likely, so Claire felt comfortable saying it.

After a handful of wide-eyed moments watching the threeway turn into a fuck fest filled with groaning and grunting and pounding, Rebecca gasped, "...he looks like Chris!"

Kat laughed, "He so does! Look at his face while he fucks that girl! That's the face he makes when he's eating nachos!"

Claire slapped at the VCR in horror. She fell on the floor and started convulsing like she was having a seizure. The other girls were laughing and tossing popcorn at her. After a long moment of laughter, Claire wondered breathlessly, "...ok. OK. Do we have anything without my brother fucking Jill Valentine!? Which I actually think might have happened a few nights ago anyway."

Rebecca's eyebrows winged up. If Chris and Jill were together, it would definitely close that door for Leon. "Oh? Did you hear them?"

Claire shook her head, "Nope. But Jill came over. They went into his room. Jill came back out this morning and left."

Kat hooted. Rebecca giggled.

Claire shuddered, "Now I'm gonna picture his face in that damn video over there and barf in my cheerios when he starts eating."

Laughing, Kat teased, "Oh, he eats. He enjoys a nice Jill sandwich." She imitated the video and the man motorboating the woman's vagina.

Claire made a barfing gesture.

Rebecca asked, writing down more notes, "Do you think it's like that? Oral sex?"

Kat nodded. Claire told her, "You bet. But don't worry. When you do it, it's really quick. Just eat the whole thing the first time and they...just...ya know...go."

Kat, flopping on the couch to put her head in Rebecca's lap, returned, "Yep. Go alllll the way down. They like that. And swallow alot."

Claire, on the floor, suggested, "I think if you get the balls in there too, they really like that."

Rebecca was rapidly writing down their wisdom. She felt like she was getting a lecture at Harvard again from Steven Hawking. Claire rolled over to pop in the next video as Kat got more popcorn.

Reading the spine of the case, Claire told them, "This one is called - The Cult of the Cunt."

Her eyes flared as she laughed. Rebecca flushed as red as a tomato. Kat, handing over the popcorn to both women to flop back on the couch, mused, "Sounds like a good cult to me. But only if I'm the one being worshiped."

And they all giggled.

The movie opened to find incredibly ugly men in red robes standing around chanting. On the altar, a blonde girl was naked and spread eagle. The giggling stopped as they stared at her.

She was endowed with enormous breasts and a tiny waist. The men were chanting and painting her body with what might have been blood. One of them put his mouth to her vagina to begin pleasuring her. Two others tackled her breasts. She was writhing and shouting in a high pitched voice, "Oh no! No no no! Please no!"

Kat laughed high and loud, "Shut up and take it, bitch! What are you complaining about?"

They all laughed again as the girl screamed like she was being tortured. One of the men opened his robe to show her his penis. It was small and surrounded by lots of hair. Claire made a face.

Rebecca remarked, "...is that a normal one?"

Looking wise, Claire told her, "Uh...yep. Yeah. That's normal. Small and hairy."

Rebecca made a disgusted face and shuddered.

Kat muttered, "...it's so small. What's the point? Do you think she'll even feel it?"

On the screen, the ugly man was about to put his penis in her mouth. He was a midget and wore a stupid hat. As he held her jaw open, he shouted, "The sacred rite that is about to begin at this tower will bestow the girl with magnificent power. She will join us, become one of us."

Like they were watching an Oscar-worthy performance, Claire whispered, "Oh, hell no! Somebody dropkick that ugly dwarf!"

As if in answer to her statement, the chandelier above the orgy shivered and from the ceiling dropped...well...the hottest guy any of them had ever seen. He threw a knife and pinned the midgets hand to the wall. Kat choked on her popcorn. Rebecca dropped her notebook and stuttered some kind of gibberish. Claire whispered in awe, "Holy guacomole...somebody tie me up and send him after me."

Kat vowed, "He can save my ass any day!"

He was beautiful. All shaggy hair and bedroom eyes in some kind of puffy leather coat. He jumped over a bunch of lasers and did a few flips as the bad guys rushed him. Enraptured, the girls all giggled and stared.

He'd killed all the bad guys with a variety of dancing kicks and throwing them over his head.

"What's that called?" Kat wondered.

And Rebecca whispered, "A suplex?"

In victory, he climbed up onto the altar and announced, "I am under the president's order to protect you!"

The girl on the table whined, annoyingly, "My fatttther?! How about some overtime."

Tilting his beautiful head, the man told her, "Yeah, alright. Hold on, sweetheart."

He proceeded to fuck her so hard and fast that she just squealed and flopped and whined. Rebecca, feeling dizzy, whispered, "...it looks so painful."

Claire cleared her throat, "...uh...it's not. This is just-a stupid movie."

Kat nodded, enraptured still with the performance, remarked, "With a retarded plot. But the hero is hawwwwt."

Nodding in agreement, they were still watching as a woman in a red dress dropped out of nowhere and joined the party. She climbed on the man's back to ride him like a pony and spank his ass, announcing, "Giddy up, pretty boy, you're my bitch now!"

And the man ran around the room with her on his back as he grunted, "...women!"

The bitch in red laughed high and loud as he threw her to her face and fucked her stupid. They were still staring as the door opened behind them and a huge man with an ugly beret on ran into the room. "COMRADE! I WILL FUCK YOU TO DEATH!"

He ran toward the two people en delicto flagrante and ripped off his pants as he ran. Terrified, Rebecca dove for the VCR before he mount the beautiful man. She slapped madly at it and the machine kicked it out with a grind of gears.

The three of them sat in silence, staring at the screen.

Finally, face flaming, Rebecca squeaked, "...I'm never having sex."

Kat cleared her throat. Claire rolled her neck and said hoarsely, "...it's-it's not like that at all. It's...soft."

Taking up the charge, Kat joined in, "Yep. It's gentle. You hug alot and he...ya know...licks your boobs and stuff."

Eyes wide, Rebecca rose to her feet, "I can't do it! I can't do it at all! You kidding? Have we met? I can barely talk to him! You want me to run up and just...mount him like a pony? Do I look like that woman in red? She was gorgeous and sly and kinda sinister...I could never compete with her!"

Claire laughed, shaking her head, "You don't have to! That's just a movie! The guy you like doesn't have a woman in red chasing him around to steal him from you, B! He's just a regular guy...not some super hot secret agent spy guy who can dodge lasers."

Kat nodded, encouraging her, "B...he's just a boy. You're just a girl. Go get him! Just grab him and kiss him!"

Claire grinned and whistled happily, "Yep. Yes! Do it! He'll like it! Boys like girls who take charge!"

Unsure, Rebecca chewed her lips, "Really? He's not...ya know..he's not really like that guy on the movie. He's kind...and sweet." Dreamily, Rebecca sighed and stared a little over their heads, "And funny."

Kat bobbled her brows at Claire. Claire, shaking her head, mused, "Oh, B...B B B...you never, ever, ever fall in love with them."

Kat sighing, uttered her agreement, "Yeah, B. Love is bad. Bad bad bad. It ends real bad for you both."

Claire looped an arm over Rebecca's shoulders, "Take me for instance. I scored a date with that totally hot rookie today. I'm just gonna...enjoy him, ya know? Not fall in love with him. Love...it leaves you alone. People just...they always leave."

Kat glanced at Rebecca over Claire's shoulder. They both had the same thought, she was sure of it. Claire was still mourning her parents. She just thought everyone would leave her if she loved them. It would cost her love the rest of her life if she didn't get over it.

Kat mouthed, over her shoulder, "Tell her."

Apparently, she wanted Rebecca to confess the truth about Leon. But what if Leon was the one for Claire? What if he was her soul mate? What if she stepped in the way of destiny?

What he was the guy who was supposed to rescue Claire from a life of loneliness in Raccoon City?

Could she really take that away from her best friend in the world?

Leon, he wasn't even aware that Rebecca was a girl. He thought of her like a bro. Maybe a good "bro" let the other one find happiness. Maybe she loved him, by letting him love Claire.

Heartbroken already at the thought, Rebecca shook her head and had Kat rolling her eyes. She hooked her arm around Claire's shoulders instead and queried, "...so maybe you just have fun with him and see where it goes."

Kat, shaking her head, thought she'd never met two more loving girls than those two. They'd both sacrifice their happiness for the other. She really, really, really wanted to tell Claire about the rookie, but it might cause a fight. She didn't want that at all.

It was best to just let Claire discover he wasn't really her type.

How did she know he wasn't? She'd talked to him a little bit that day. Nice guy, gorgeous, but...boring. He was so boring. He was like a homeschool kid or something. He was sweet and friendly and didn't know a damn thing about anything interesting.

Claire liked motorcycles and trying new things. She loved tailgating and going to wrestling matches with the WWF was in town. She liked to ride the mechanical bull over in Whispering Pines and win money. She hustled pool and raced bikes and had three cats named after different boyfriends she'd been dumped by.

She loved so hard and so fast and burnt out just the same. If it wasn't for Chris getting rid of most of her loser boyfriends, she might have married the wrong guy more than once already. She had terrible taste in men.

The rookie? He was simply too nice for her. She needed a guy to match her fire. She wasn't going to find it in Kennedy. She ate rookies like him for breakfast.

But Rebecca? She was a simple girl. She was so smart it made her almost socially retarded, but she was a good girl. She liked puppies and enjoyed kids and baked cookies sometimes. She listened to country music and wanted a family someday.

Claire acted life had to be lived by the minute. She'd burn that rookie out and toss him away before she was done. Maybe it was best to let her go for it.

Sighing, Kat said, "Ok...we ready for the next round of instructional education?"

Rebecca nodded eagerly, "Sure. What's this one?"

Claire picked up the case and read, "...Urobuttholes."

All of their eyes flared wide. Rebecca looked mesmerized. Kat looked oddly afraid. Finally, Claire shrugged a shoulder, "The guy on the box is hot...minus his stupid sunglasses. So let's see how it goes."

She popped in the tape, and they all sat down to pretend they weren't fascinated.

Leon was just coming off duty when he caught sight of Rebecca running through the rain toward the RPD building. It did nothing but rain in this godforsaken city, he thought angrily. Nothing. Just rain and ugliness and death.

He'd been down at the reservoir helping them retrieve a body that had fallen into it off the dam. A bloated, stinky, skin sloughing off corpse...some of which was still stuck to his uniform. He'd taken this gig thinking he'd what? Save people? Ride into town like a big hero and save the world?

Stupid. Immature. Irrational. Maybe he could stop a conspiracy, get the girl, kill the bad guy and become James Bond afterward. What kind of shitty plot was that anyway? Trite and overdone. It was why he wasn't a writer.

He was a cop.

He was just tired of being the type who got cats out of trees, cleaned up bathrooms, and retrieved dead bodies from the water.

Seeing Rebecca perked him up a bit. He was glad he'd met her. She reminded him of his best friend back home. She was just really easy to be around. He liked that she seemed to enjoy listening to him.

As the youngest son, he'd mostly gone unnoticed in his family. In a small town, you stood out or faded away. His older brothers were always winning the big game or helping the homeless or something to get on television. They dated the homecoming queen and got scholarships to fancy schools.

At the bottom, was their baby brother. A skinny, awkward kid with more brains than charm. He'd spent most of his time in their shadows. It wasn't their fault, they both just shone like stars without trying.

Nothing like that ever came easy to him.

When they were scoring touchdowns, he was spending Sunday afternoons playing Dungeons and Dragons in his basement with his four best friends. While one of them fucked the prom queen under the bleachers, he was winning the regional Spelling Bee. The first girlfriend he'd ever had was the only one he'd ever had.

Maggie.

She'd liked his skinny legs or something. They'd met freshman year and were inseparable. She was small and silly and had glasses on a freckled nose. She liked chickens and reading romance novels.

She was so sweet. He'd thought, at one point, he'd marry her and settle there to take over the farm. Life had other plans.

When he'd been off at the state championship for the mathletes winning because he knew all about algebra instead of the clitoris, she'd found herself a better version of him. The drama of coming home to find her with one of his brothers had nearly broken him. Like an angsty teen, he'd disappeared into his bedroom and played a lot of Ani Di Franco and Bonnie Raitt trying to get over her.

Instead of saying a word, his Dad had stood outside with him until it got dark just...tossing a football. Sometimes, love came in when you were pretty sure you were done for.

He'd gotten over Maggie and left home. Just like that. There were various reasons why he'd barely been back since then. He'd gone back when his Dad passed, but he hadn't stayed long.

He knew his Mom was likely expecting a visit, and he'd attempt to get there for Christmas, but by the look of things - he doubted they'd let him go. Rookies didn't seem to have any freedom here. He was betting they didn't get holidays off to go visit family.

He watched Rebecca stop on the steps to talk to Jill Valentine and it didn't take a fucking shrink to tell Leon why he was so into Valentine. She was the prom queen. If he won her, he'd win the whole thing, right? He'd take her from the goddamn football Captain and be the big hero.

It was that simple.

It didn't really make him feel good about himself, but there it is.

As if he'd heard him thinking of her, Chris Redfield hooked a thumb at him from where he perched on the concrete wall beside Jill. "YO! Rookie!"

He hated that guy. He'd spent all the last week making him do every piece of shit task he could come up with. Breaking balls, clearly, but it didn't make him respect Redfield, it just made him want to punch his stupid monkey face.

"Sir!" He put on the most cooperative tone he could muster as he jogged up the stairs and stood in the rain waiting.

Rebecca looked over her shoulder at him and flushed. Her eyes twinkled. She was pretty cute with that blushing she was always doing. He wondered if she had a condition that made her skin get pink all the time.

Chris made a disgusted face at him, "...number one - take a fucking shower, you smell like my balls after I've been working out all day."

Jill snorted. Rebecca looked offended.

And Chris added, "Two - Chambers needs an escort to the observation room to be present for interrogation in about twenty minutes. You're her guy. You take her there, you stand there while she interrogates the suspect, and you bring her back. You do nothing to assist in the interrogation. Not a word. Not a peep. Not a Joe Friday, big dick swinging, bad cop staring down a murderer and making him shit his pants kinda bull either. You hear me?"

Gnashing his teeth a little, Leon finally nodded and returned, "Yes, sir! Happy to help."

Chris rolled his eyes and waved his hand insultingly, "Good. Fuck off. We're busy here. Your stench is ruining my coffee."

Jill shook her head and admonished him, "Ease off, Red. He's just a rookie."

Ouch.

Ouch.

Just a rookie.

Feeling the throb of it, Leon turned on his heel to head inside. Just a rookie. Just a geek. Just another Kennedy. He was always at the bottom. He'd get Jill Valentine to scream his name while he mounted her like a prize pony...and he'd see who was "just a rookie."

Angrily, he marched into the shower.

Kevin was already in the shower whistling as he washed off the day. He had a small shower radio playing on the outcropping beside him. Would it have been nice to have individual stalls? Sure. But it was like gym class all over again, you just had to be ok with being balls out, dick swinging in front of other dudes.

As Leon started to soap up, Kevin stopped singing along to Steve Perry's dulcet tones to look over his shoulder, "Yoooo! What's crackalackin dog?"

Seriously. He liked Kevin. Kevin was a good dude. Kevin was kinda his friend. They'd played darts and hung out and thrown the ball around. Kevin was pretty laid back and reminded Leon of the cool guys he'd avoided in highschool.

But Kevin was always laughing.

What was so funny? Apparently, everything was funny.

Who the hell was always that cheery?

Leon shrugged a shoulder and soaped his chest angrily, "...nothin. You know what? Nothin. Next time I get a wild hair up my ass to transfer to a stupid fucking city filled with stupid fucking people, kick me in the balls until I barf, ok?"

Laughing, Kevin whistled. As Leon turned, Kevin tossed him a bottle of shampoo. The other man caught it and Kevin stated, "Chill out, guy. You're a rookie. We all suck dick for beer money as rookies. You'll survive. Don't be a cry baby. They hear you bitchin like a little girl with a skinned knee? They'll make your life hell. I promise you."

Leon sighed and nodded. He put shampoo in his hands and shoved it through his hair. As he turned to rinse it out, he bitched a little bit, just a little bit, "You're right. I know you're right. I just can't figure out why girls like that kinda shit."

"What shit?"

"You know...bragging, ham-fisted, alpha dog shit."

Kevin laughed and turned off his radio. "Girls like dudes who love themselves, my friend. If you can't beat Redfield here, beat him out there."

Leon opened one eye at him, "...how so?"

"You know...show up at her place and woo her or whatever."

Leon rinses his hair and shut off the shower. They both turned to face each other as he queried, "Really? Girls like guys that just...follow them around?"

"You bet man. Girls love determination. Show up all over the place to impress her."

"...like a stalker?"

Kevin chuckled and reached for his towel. As he turned back, he froze. Leon added, looking confused, "I don't think girls like stalkers. Do they?"

Shaking his head like a dog, Kevin finally laughed, "Kennedy?"

"What?"

"Don't worry about any of it, anymore, ever. Ok?"

Surprised, Leon arched both brows, "...what? Why?"

"I'm gonna make you a legend, my friend. And the rest? It's gonna take care of itself."

Confused, Leon watched him leave the shower. Shrugging, he grabbed his towel to go dry off and get dressed.

In the bullpen, Kevin paused at the desk of Marcy the receptionist. Marcy was a pretty girl fresh out of a college. She was...friendly in that way that made her popular among the rookies. She was too friendly to dislike her though.

On top of that? She was a huge, notorious, endless gossip.

Kevin paused and snapped his fingers, "Marc...damn. I left my radio. Can you run back to the locker room and grab it off the bench?"

Energetic, the redhead leaped up and winked at him, "You bet! You wanna get a drink later?"

A small price to pay for a friend, he thought, and shrugged, "Sure. J's?" Besides, Marcy gave the best head anyway. So it wouldn't be an entire sacrifice. She was dumb as she was pretty, but she was a good time.

"Where else?"

Giggling, Marcy ran into the locker room.

Kevin waited, waited, waited...and saw her run out of the locker room. She was pink-cheeked. She paused and whispered to the mail room girl, who ran and whispered to the female janitor.

And just like that he'd created a legend.

Before nightfall, Leon Kennedy would be more popular in Raccoon City than Chris Redfield would ever be. If Leon thought Redfield didn't like him now? He was about to find out what it was really like to make an enemy.


	4. Chapter 4

_._

* * *

**Some Kind of Wonderful**

* * *

_**Chapter Four:** _

**_Shit Show_ **

* * *

_"She'd been in love with the man, and love is a scary thing. If not reciprocated, it can turn a person into a monster."_   
**― Michele Young-Stone, _The Handbook for Lightning Strike Survivors_**

* * *

**Raccoon City - 1998**

* * *

Claire, Kat, and Rebecca fell asleep watching the last of the instructional erotic movies that Kat had brought over. The final one had been incredibly offensive. A woman in a red dress with her boobs hanging out had been running around a mansion peeing on things. She stopped to pee on a red and white umbrella, she paused to urinate on a patch of blood before a fireplace, she found a sleeping monster with a rocket launcher for an arm or something and a warped countenance with huge teeth and pissed on his face. She peed on a pair of sunglasses, on a weird looking bug, and a doll in a miniskirt.

After she ran out of the mansion, she found a canon sitting in the grass with yellow and blue letters on the side. It was hard to make out on the video, but it appeared to say CAP- and the rest was cut off. She stopped to lift her leg on it and pee and the beautiful man from the previous movie appeared in his poofy leather coat.

Surprised, Kat remarked, "Is it a sequel?"

And Claire picked up the case to look at the spine. "Er... _Resident Peevil: The Golden Goose that Showered?"_

On the screen, the woman with the boobs out faced the beautiful man as she was peeing and queried, "What!?"

Her snide tone made him narrow his eyes at her and demand, "What are you doing there!? Stop it!"

"No!" She pointed a finger at him, "I will never stop until I piss all over the canon. My name is ALICE, and I'm here to piss on it all."

The beautiful man snapped, "You'll never piss on me!" He ripped open his jacket to reveal a golden fleece with an emblem of a goose on it. "I've come to stop you on my trusty steed!"

He pointed over to the side of the field to show a cow covered in dollar bills, "That is my cash cow, Kennedy! And where he goes, victory follows."

The woman in red pointed at him and declared, "You're a liar and a fool! When I'm done pissing on the canon, I'm going to run inside and crap on the communication system! And you'll thank me because I will ride out of here on the back of your cash cow!"

"Never! You will have to go through me first! And you? Your crap is inferior to mine! I will crap on your chest and destroy you! And when I'm done, I will radio for help on that..that...CRAP COM!"

The woman shouted, "You will MOLD before that ever happens! I will PISS on that CRAP COM! It would  _nothing_ without me!"

She raced at him. They tangled before she ran up a wall and kicked a dog. From a hole in the ground, an ugly little hologram remarked, "You're all gonna die down here!" And the man peed on her in response.

The woman turned a squirt gun on him, "...you will pay for that. NO ONE pisses on the red queen!"

The beautiful man gave her a thumbs up and pulled his dick from his pants to swing it at her. She did the same, pulling her own from under her dress.

Apparently, it was she male porn, as she shouted, "I will make you suck my dick every time you look at me! I am worth ten of you!"

The man grabbed her to force her to her knees and shoved his penis in her mouth, declaring, "You're just a really, really, really stupid imitation in an ugly red dress." When she gagged, he proceeded to piss all over her while Kennedy, the cash cow, mooed happily.

Disgusted, Kat shut off the video. "Fucking gross. What is that kinda thing?"

Claire shuddered, "A golden shower or something? Right?"

Rebecca whispered, "...they like it when someone pees on them?"

Horrified, Claire responded, "I think...I think they like it when they get to pee and poop on you instead."

Rebecca shot to her feet, "No. No way! Never. You hear me? Gross! I'm gonna die a virgin!"

Kat grabbed her shoulders and shook her, "Calm down! Easy! This was just some ideas, B, ok? You don't have to do anything you don't want. Just..." She searched for the right words, "Just talk about it before it happens, ok? Tell him, right away, that he will  _never_  be pissing on you."

Claire piped in, "Exactly. No peeing. No pooping...no riding you like a pony. That should-that's not too demanding, right?"

Afraid, Rebecca inquired, "Will I have to agree to sex with another woman?"

Kat looked resolute now as she told her, "Maybe. Men cheat otherwise, B. On everyone. And he'll do it too. But you have some control if you say yes to a threeway, right?"

Claire nodded, trying to sound worldly, "Exactly. Pick a friend or something."

Kat, looking slightly afraid of that, still proved she was a girl's best friend and offered, "..right. I-will do it if you need someone."

Cliare, looking ill, added, "...ugh... _fine._ I will too...I guess."

Rebecca laughed and shook her head. She looped her arms around the pair of them, "What pals we are. Bros?"

"...why not? Hos before bros!" Claire flopped on the couch with them. They all curled up as girls will do in a big puppy pile. Claire aimed the remote at the television, "Now how about we watch Jerry Springer?"

They all fell asleep laughing.

Rebecca had terrible nightmares about Leon squatting on her while she radioed for help on her communicator and yelling, "That's what I call CRAPCOM! Even my shit is gold!"

* * *

At work the next morning, she hurried through the lobby toward the office until Lara from accounting snagged her arm to pull her to the side, "You heard?"

"...what?"

"That rookie you're always hanging out with?"

Rebecca's brows winged up, "Leon?"

"Yeah." She giggled behind her swarthy skin and orange hair, "Yeah. They're calling him the Ankle Spanker."

Rebecca's brow furrowed. She felt her mouth twist in confusion, but she couldn't very well ask for Lara to explain what that meant. She'd sound stupid and like a big, fat, virgin. So istead, she remarked, "Oh, yeah, I knew that. He told me all about it."

Eyes wide and excited, Lara squeaked, "Seriously? You've  _seen_ it?"

Clearing her throat, Rebecca shrugged, and bragged, "Sure. All the time. We're bros like that."

Lara blinked three times and giggled. She grabbed Rebecca's hands and spun her in a circle, "You  _lucky_ girl! It's good?"

Feeling more unsure with each passing second, Rebecca replied, "Uh..s-sure? Yes? It's super duper."

Lara leaned in to whisper, "All the time huh? Every day?"

"...er-yes? Yes. Like...five times a day. All day. Like a machine."

What was she asking!? Rebecca was panicking a little. Hopefully she was helping Leon look good here. She was hoping Ankle Spanker didn't mean he was a gay that kicked cats on the ass or something. That sounded like a terrible thing to do.

Lara squeaky laughed so much her face flamed red, "I heard he's a realllll  _beaver basher!"_

It was worse than she'd thought. Not cats. He was spanking beavers! He was a monster! She couldn't believe he could be that cruel! That wasn't the guy she thought she knew.

Angry, Rebecca turned away from Lara and ran across the lobby. When she saw him, she pointed and shouted, "How  _dare_ you bash beavers! Didn't your mother teach you any manners!?"

Leon's eyes widened so far that he looked comic. Behind him, Kevin choked on his donut and started coughing. Someone slapped him roughly on the back as Rebecca drilled a finger into Leon's chest plate.

"You grew up on a  _farm_! You should be ashamed of yourself! No one should  _ever_ beat a beaver!"

Leon was looking at her like she might have sprouted a second head. He caught her arm and turned her toward the bathroom. Before he could get her to move, she resisted him.

"...what the hell are you talking about?" He sounded so exasperated.

Rebecca, feeling the fires of self righteous animal rights, poked him in the chest again. "I came here to tell you  _not_  to pee on me! And instead I find you bashing beavers and spanking ankles!? Who spanks beavers ankles!?"

He let go of her arm, "...you're crazy. You sound nuts."

"I do!?" She squeaked as her voice raised, "You're nuts! I will never invite you over now! You would probably pull my the hair on my cat if I did! You-y-you... _bully!"_

She spun away and ran upstairs. She was crushed. Heartbroken. What kind of man abused animals!? She couldn't be friends with someone like that.

Leon, feeling shell shocked and strangely insulted, stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door, muttering, "...women."

The RPD exploded with laughter the second he was gone. Someone shouted, "He can pull my cats hair  _anytime!"_

And another voice returned, "My beaver needs bashed at least three times a week!"

Kevin chuckled where he was sitting. So maybe the little lab girl was off the table now, but who cared? With all the whispers about his dick going around the office, Leon was about to eyeball deep in pussy. He'd gone from being a nobody to being the most eligible bachelor in the RPD. Before the day was over? He was going to be an ankle spanking hero.

* * *

Rebecca made it to her desk, flopped in her chair, and flipped on her computer. Before she could type a single word, Jill asked her, "What's the matter, honey? You look like someone shit in your cereal."

Feeling the tears well up, Rebecca tried to be less than heartbroken when she announced, "...Leon bashes beavers!"

And she started sobbing.

Chris felt his brows fly up into his hair. He glanced at Jill who looked crushed at Rebecca crying. It was hard not to be. She was the sweeatheart of the S.T.A.R.S. so sweet and soft you had to adore her.

Grunting, Chris remarked, "I'm gonna shove his teeth so far down his throat he has to start eating out of his ass."

Jill snorted and rolled her eyes, "Easy, tough guy, I think we've got a misunderstanding here." She perched on Rebecca's desk and offered her a kleenex. "Start at the beginning, sweetie."

Sniffling, Rebecca squeaked, "At first I was afraid he might want to poop on my chest, ya know? B-but I didn't even get to ask!...they're calling him the Ankle Spanker because he apparently bashes beavers around their legs or something."

Chris had a Pop Tart halfway to his mouth. He lowered it and looked at Jill with wide eyes. Across the room, Barry asked gently, "They're calling him the what, honey?"

And Rebecca wept copiously as she kinda bellowed, "...ANKLE SPANKER! Can you believe it!? What kind of man spanks ankles on animals! That's awful!"

Jill hugged her and patted her back. She bobbled her brows at Chris, "Poor, rookie. A real big wanker, huh?"

Chris dropped his boots to the floor and threw his Pop Tart down. "This is the guy taking Claire out tonight?"

Rebecca hiccuped as she cried, "..she won't go now! Claire loves cats! She would never want a man who would pound her cat, Chris! You know that."

Jill couldn't stop the huge grin she gave him over Rebecca's shuddering shoulder. Barry covered his laugh with a couch. Joseph didn't bother, he was raptly watching the drama and munching on chips. Forest Speyer was plopped on his desk staring like an idiot.

Aloud, he wondered, "This is the farm kid? The quiet one?"

Rebecca sniffed and nodded.

Forest's face split into a huge grin, "Taking out your baby sister, Red? That..." He couldn't stop the snickering. Jill laughed too and so did Barry. Joseph snorted and Forest finished, "... _sucks_ for you, man. How far is your bedroom from hers? You'll have to listen to that...ankle spanking all night."

Chris shoved up from his chair roughly, "Oh,  _hell_ no I won't. That ain't happening...now or  _ever."_

Rebecca nodded rapidly, "You're right. You should stop it. I can't believe how awful Claire would feel if that happened."

Jill cleared her throat. She rose from her desk, "I agree. I feel like I should go down there and confront that rookie and give him a piece of my mind. He's in the showers, you say?"

Chris gave her a filthy look. She grinned, wide and winking.

Sniffling, Rebecca lamented, "You should! He has a huge crush on you, monstrous, enormous! He'd probably ask you to bash beavers with him!" She wailed it and started sobbing again.

Jill was loving the anger on Chris as he rose from his desk like the wrath of god. "Does he now?"

Sighing, Jill kept her face blank as she mused, "A big crush? Really? I'm...terribly disgusted by that. I need to go down there and just...give him a piece.." She trailed off and then added,"...of my mind."

Rebecca was too busy being sad to notice all the double  _entendre_  flying around the office. She was such a sweet girl, Jill thought, she had no clue that the boy in question wasn't some horrible animal hater. Taking pity on her, Jill finally touched her hair as Chris headed out of the office, "Rebecca, sweetheart, what they're saying about him?"

She sniffled around a red nose, "...yeah?"

"Honey, it's a joke...and a compliment in a way."

"...what?"

Smiling, Joseph told her around a mouthful of chips, "It means your rookie is packin, dollface."

Rebecca's brows furrowed, "...packing? Like a gun? I know he's carryng a gun. He's a rookie."

Unable to corrupt her forever, Jill told her, "...yes. A big gun. He has a big gun. That's all that means."

Mollified, Rebecca wondered, "...like a Magnum?"

Barry choked on his soda. Forest chuckled into the dirty magazine he was leafing through. Joseph nodded, unable to tarnish her sweetness either, "Yep. Exactly like a Magnum. A long barrel Magnum."

Jill hugged Rebecca and simply couldn't stop the laugh.

Rebecca, feeling guilty for flying off the handle, wanted to go find Leon and apologize, but she didn't think he'd listen. Who could blame him? He probably thought she was as big a bitch as the girlfriend he'd had that had cheated on him.

When Jill released her, she grabbed her notebook to start writing him a letter of apology. Maybe if she was lucky, he wouldn't hold her outburst against her. Maybe instead he'd just hold...her.

Sighing with painful love, Rebecca put little hearts by his name at the start of the letter and missed him.

* * *

Leon escape certain death by leaving the RPD to meet Claire for lunch.

When he arrived, she was sitting in an outdoor cafe in a pair of torn up looking jeans and a denim jacket dyed red. Her cowboy booted foot was tapping away to the live band that was playing. She had her hair up in a high ponytail and wispy pieces framed her face.

Kevin had cautioned him before he left, "It's a date, big boner, that means you need to treat her like a date."

What the hell did one do on a date? Maggie and he had hung around, but there wasn't much dating involved in that.

Kevin's answer? "Ask her lots of shit about herself. Grab her ass and kiss her."

Seemed pretty straight forward.

The bad news was that Claire didn't seem interested in talking. She did a lot of dancing in her seat to the music. She didn't say much. So to fill the silence? He did.

He talked.

He talked a lot.

He talked like he had with Rebecca, but Claire didn't talk back. She asked him to buy her a beer, he did without knowing she wasn't old enough. She drank the beer and kept looking at him funny.

He talked about the farm and his Mom. He talked about his dog he'd left behind. He told her about his place in Raccoon and his trip to the zoo with Rebecca. He mentioned Chris busting his balls all the time and forget that Claire was his sister.

That was his first mistake.

He said, "Seriously, the guy hates me. He's just jealous anyway. Because he looks like a monkey and I heard he's been off lately on the range. Probably jealous that I never miss, ya know?"

Claire gave him a cold look at rose from the table, "Let's just dance, ok?"

Dance?

He gulped in horror but rose and followed her to the place where everyone was dancing. She danced like she knew what she was doing. She held her beer in one hand and swayed, shimmied, and dropped down to throw her butt out and slide her body back up. Her butt passed right over his groin when she did it.

He wasn't made out of a stone. She had a cute butt. The second she skimmed him, his face flamed so hard with blood he was almost dizzy. He was aware he probably looked like a tomato. She turned her head toward him as she raised up.

He thought:  _Is this the grabbing ass and kissing part?_ So leaned forward to kiss her as she turned toward him.

She shouted like he'd burned her and backed away from him.

Apparently...not.

He started to stutter out an apology, "O-oh shit...sorry. I guess I was just too cl-"

And she slapped him right in the face.

It was officially the worst day of his life. People making fun of him all day. His only friend shouting at him about bashing beavers or something and this girl slapping him like he was a pervert or a kid looking up her dress.

His cheek rang as Claire pointed her finger at him, "Gross! You hear me? You will  _not_ put that thing in my butt!"

Ok. Leon was half convinced every fucking person in Raccoon City was insane. It was that simple. What kind of parallel dimension had he stepped into? Everyone in this city was nuttier than a fruitcake.

He was going to put in a for a transfer. It was that simple. He was also done with...,"...women."

Angry, Leon backed off as she advanced on him. He lifted his hands. "Hey...no problem there. I don't want anything to do with your butt!"

This was the weirdest conversation he'd ever had. Now she looked offended, "Why's that? Because you only like boy butts? Huh? I heard you were batting for both teams! But maybe you dislike my brother because you secretly  _love_ him. Maybe you'd like to poke him in  _his_ butt! Maybe...maybe you're a butthole pirate!"

What the hell was a  _butthole_ _pirate!?_

Whatever it was, it wasn't him.

"What's next...you wanna swab my poop deck?!"

That was it. He was done with girls. Red face, embarrassed, and mortified Leon laughed slightly with ire as he told her, "...I think we're done here. Have a nice night, Claire. It was good to meet you."

As he stomped away, Claire stood frozen. What was this? Guys didn't walk away from her. What had happened here? He'd scared her to death poking right at her brown eye with his big hard wiener! She'd seen the video! She knew what happened when that thing ripped right into your bowels!

It was the worst date she'd ever had. First he bored her half to death talking about chickens and playing the guitar in band, insulted her brother, and then tried to poke her in the butt! She was pretty sure Kat and Rebecca would have a field day when she told them what a boring perv he was.

Leon Kennedy was running all over Raccoon City trying to put his thing in people's butts. He was a menace. He had to be stopped.

* * *

As his Jeep raced down the road, Leon kept muttering to himself. Why did he bother!? Girls were nightmares! They lied, they cheated, they shouted at him in the RPD all the time. They slapped him and accused him of being a butthole pirate. They embarrassed him and stalked him around the RPD giggling.

Out loud, he shouted, "I wish I  _was_  gay! Then maybe I'd get some peace!"

Leon jerked the wheel over to the park and stopped. He climbed out and slogged through the rain that had just started to sit on a bench by the clock tower. Feeling sorry for himself, he put his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

It was bad enough that Claire had hated him right out of the gate for god knew what reason. That was one thing. But Rebecca yelling at him had really hurt his feelings.

He had no idea what she was talking about.

He thought they were friends.

She was his only real friend in this city and she was calling him a bully. He hated this fucking city. Raccoon City was a nightmare. He was being attacked at every turn. He'd entered a world of survival horror where he didn't know what assault was coming at him next.

Most likely, Chris Redfield was going to kick his ass for "poking his sister in the butt" or whatever she''d accused him of back there. Leon glanced down at his lap. He wasn't even hard.

He might have gotten there, but she'd scared him to death acting like a crazy person.

The only way to save himself now was to prove himself. He was more determined than ever to get Jill Valentine to date him. If he had her on his arm, he'd be safe from all the haters in that station. He'd be a god who'd wooed the hottest girl in the RPD. He'd finally be the best.

And no one, anywhere, would make fun of him ever again.

He'd a fucking super star! He was gonna go find her right now and just throw her down on her face and plow her with her legs up like a wheelbarrow and get her to cream and cry with pleasure.

He was. Yep. Right now. Right.. _now._

He was frozen there.

He'd get up in a minute and go prove himself to the world.

But he just kept sitting in the rain feeling bad about himself...and kinda missing Rebecca.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** _Resident Evil is owned entirely by Capcom...more's the pity. Any character contained within does not directly resemble any person living...or undead.( *cough)_

* * *

**Some Kind of Wonderful**

* * *

_**Chapter Five:** _

**_Big Bargain_ **

* * *

_"'And how do you really feel?'_   
_'Like I'll never recover. Like I'll never draw another breath without half of it being a wish for him.'"_   
**― Jane Seville, _Zero at the Bone_**

* * *

Tucked into the door of his apartment was an envelope. Brow knitted, Leon pulled it out to find it smelled like cherry lip gloss. Smiling, he opened it.

Somehow? The bad day just...drained away.

 _Leon - (_ There were three earlier greetings marked out in heavy hand)

_I wish I could say this to your face, but I'm a coward. I'm really sorry. Really really sorry. I misunderstood what everyone was saying. I didn't know they meant your gun was huge._

His brows winged up.

_I'd like to see it sometime if you want. I'm sure it's really impressive. Does it fire big bullets? I'm not sure if a big gun means it can make a bigger mess? I guess that doesn't matter. I'm digressing._

_I have offended you, hurt your feelings, and strained our friendship. I'd like you to forgive me, as I think you're the first friend I've had in a long time that didn't think I was twelve years old._

_I have something I need to tell you...(_ this was marked out too).

_I think we should meet at my place. There's something we should discuss. I hope to hear from you soon._

_Love (_ this was marked out so hard the paper was dented) and replaced with -

_Sincerely yours in apology,_

_Rebecca Ann Chambers_

He thought she was adorable. She signed it with her whole name, like he might not know who she was. Tucking the letter in his back pocket, Leon opened his door to his place. He changed out of his wet clothes and into a pair of dry jeans.

Shirtless, he padded to his fridge to get some left over chinese takeout and hit the button on his answering machine. The tape rewound with a chittering sound and started his messages. And then it said, "You have eighteen messages."

Surprised, he froze at the fridge.

The first voice was his landlord talking about the rent being due.

The second message was some girl from the RPD asking him out. Who? He'd never met her.

The second was...another girl he'd never met.

Pausing with his fork halfway to his mouth, he glanced at the machine in confusion. Each girl sounded more giggly than the one before. The third message was a guy. The fourth was asking if he wanted to switch long distance carriers.

And on it went. Each message was...weirder than the last.

"Heyyy Leon...this is Judy in the motor pool. We haven't really met but I hear good things about your-er...about you. I'd like to go get a bite to eat some night if you're free. I make a great...eggplant parmesan. You should come over. Call me."

...what the hell was happening here?

"Leon...sup...this is Jack Kowalski- Pete's partner in Vice? I hear you're a guy who likes a good...bologna sandwich. I know where you can get one, man. Give me a buzz."

Leon set down his food. He got the feeling they were speaking in code or something. Why was everyone asking him out all of sudden? This was, hands down, the weirdest damn day of his life.

The next message was unexpected as well: "I heard what you did...you perv! You better look out...hell hath no fury!" The message clicked off.

These women in this city were bonkers. It was that simple. Maybe he should become a eunuch and just avoid them all together.

The machine beeped again. "Hey Officer Kennedy...it's Jill Valentine. Could you give me a call? I think there's some stuff we should talk about."

Oh...oh oh oh oh oh. Maybe not. Maybe the women in this city weren't nuts. Whatever Kevin had done? It had gotten Jill Valentine to call his home number. Maybe things were looking up after all.

He jotted down the number and erased the rest of the messages. Eventually, he'd get the courage to call her back. Right? Yep. Right.

Leon gathered up his nerve and picked up the phone. He dialed her number and made sure he was ready to sound suave as hell when she picked up. When she did, he greeted her, "Hi!"

His voice...squeaked. It broke. Like a twelve year old boy hitting puberty.

Fantastic.

Super.

He could hear the amusement in her voice as she told him, "I heard a rumor around the station that you have a crush on me."

Holy shit. Was she being this direct? Did girls do that? They just brought it out in the open like that? He was under the impression they played games first. Jerked a guy around and what not...right?

Without preamble, she continued, "I should tell you, first off, that I'm intensely flattered. I've heard...big things about you and your -er- gun." She cleared her throat and had his brows arching, "But I'm seeing someone. So I wouldn't want you to...miss out on other potential girls because you're holding a torch for me, ya know?"

He soooo wanted to ask her if it was Redfield, but he didn't. It wasn't his business. However, it also wasn't a big deal. He could wait out some stupid boyfriend. He wasn't going anywhere.

So he said, "Uh...r-r-right. Gotcha. Oh, well...what're you gonna do, huh? Can't fight city hall."

What the hell did that mean? He was stuttering. He was nervous. She'd only said five words to him in the whole time he'd been coveting her. To make it worse, he apparently had verbal diarrhea as he went on, "...i-if you ever wanna...you know...go to the range or something? I could..like...show you my gun. It's pretty impressive."

It was. His gun was his baby. It was nicknamed Silver Ghost. His Dad had given it to him before he'd died. He was never without it.

Jill laughed softly and informed him, "Bad news is, that won't be an option for you for awhile. You're about to get put on graveyard duty, every rookie has to at some point. We're pairing you up with Rebecca Chambers from Bravo so you can both get some...field time together."

Why did she keep pausing like that? Was he missing something?

"Oh! Rebecca...yes, ma'am. I'm looking forward to it."

Jill winced and lauhged, "Yikes. Ma'am. Now who feels old? Just report for duty at midnight, Officer. You'll be given your assignments then."

Shit. He'd called her ma'am. How suave was he? So he stuttered, "Y-yes! Yes ma'am - I mean- Ms. Valentine! I mean -Lieutenant?"

He had no clue what he rank was. She laughed, unoffended, and replied, "At ease, kid. I'm just yanking your chain here with the ma'am stuff. Get some sleep, rookie, you'll need it. And?"

He waited. She took a deep breath and finished, "Keep your gun to yourself, ok? Don't be sharing it with anyone who asks...it might feel good to have it envied by everyone, but it won't last. My suggestion? Show it to a girl who matters. The rest of them? They'll just take advantage of it."

What? Women spoke in riddles. He started to ask and she hung up. Over night duty? What would that entail?

He glanced at the clock and sighed. Apparently he'd find out soon enough. He could hear the warning in Valentine's voice about showing his gun off. There was a crime wave in Raccoon, that was true. He didn't want to flash his gun around town and end up in trouble.

It was better to show it only to people he could trust, clearly. Maybe he'd show it to Rebecca tomorrow on their shift together. He doubted she'd do anything but giggle anyway. Admittedly, his gun was pretty big. He'd nearly knocked himself out the first time he'd fired it.

A gun like his? It took some definite getting used to.

* * *

Rebecca had a message on her machine that she didn't check. If she did, she'd have heard Claire harping about the rookie trying to poke her in the butt. Instead, Rebecca showered and got dressed for work totally unaware that Leon was now known as the Ankle Spanker and the Cornhole King.

Apparently, his reputation was going to get worse before it got better.

She arrived at the station to find Leon waiting. He seemed genuinely happy to see her. As she trotted up, she was already blabbering, "I-I'm so so sorry. I just...ya know? I thought-but I really didn't...and Claire said-"

Her brain fell out her butt and just landed beneath her feet as she tugged her close to hug her. It was a good hug. He was really good at hugging. Without a seconds hesitation, her arms looped around his waist to hug back as he told her, "I'm not mad. I'm just really happy to see you. This town is full of some weird shit."

Rebecca laughed softly and kept holding on with her nose in his neck. He smelled like Irish Spring. She wanted to sniff him all day long. She wanted to bury her nose in different parts of him and just discover how good he smelled everywhere.

She froze in his arms. That...that was the dumbest thought anyone ever had. Who sniffed someone all over their body like a dog? Would she sniff his butt next? Just put her nose right up his crack to determine who he was?

The image made her giggle a little and he sighed. "Yep. I missed you. I should let go, right? It's weird to hug like this except at the airport."

Sighing herself, Rebecca muttered. "Is it? I think we should try to work all night long like this."

And now he laughed and let go of her. With regret, she stepped back. Her cheeks pinked as she remarked, "You smell good."

Leon grinned, "This time, right? I've been rather rank the last few times."

"...were you?" She looked confused, "I think you always smell wonderful."

Kinda flattered, he patted her forearms as he let go of her completely, "Well thanks. I think you smell pretty good too."

What kind of conversation was this?! It felt like it should be awkward, but it wasn't somehow. It felt good to stand there talking to someone who wasn't staring at him like he'd grown a dick on his forehead.

Jill Valentine emerged from reception to grin at them. "Good. Both ready to go?"

Rebecca gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up. Leon nodded rapidly. Taking a second to find them adorable, Jill finally said, "Ok. The park is patrolled every four hours starting at midnight. You need to make a loop through it, and through the clock tower. Report any unsual findings and don't engage any of the vagrants. If you can get them move somewhere else, go for it. But usually they are harmless."

Rebecca acknowledged her with an energetic, "Yes, ma'am! We're on it!"

She scurried toward the door. Leon started to follow her and Jill took his arm, "Hey...I know you're a little confused about what's happening. I'm just gonna ask you to let the chips fall for now. I know things are...weird, but it'll work out. I promise."

He gave her starry eyes and sighed sadly, "...you sure you're-" He gestured with his hands to show his two fingers hooking together.

She grinned and stepped forward to give him a conciliatory hug. Friendly. Just a quick pat on the back. And she told him, "Sadly, I am. It's my loss, really."

Leon started to say something witty and charming...probably.

From the balcony, a shout surprised them both. "Rookie!"

He glanced up to find Chris Redfield glowering down at him. "Wait right there...you hear me? Don't you  _fucking_ move."

Jill arched a brow as the big man came toward the stairs. She let go of Leon's forearm and told him, "...it's better if you go."

Surprised, Leon wondered, "Why?"

"The look on his face? It's saying run."

Insulted now, Leon declared with bravado, "I'm not afraid of that gorilla."

But Jill shoved him toward the door with Rebecca, "Don't die to prove you're a tough guy, Kennedy. Get moving. Now. That's an order."

He did just as Chris reached the lobby and came barreling toward him. Jill intercepted him and he grunted, "Move, Jill. I mean it. I'm just gonna talk to him."

Rebecca tugged Leon out the door. They didn't say a word as they moved on foot toward the park.

He walked with his back stiff and his eyes constantly aware. She found him adorable. He was trying so hard to just be the perfect cop. Even his shoes were spit shined. His uniform was pressed and pleated on the pants up to standard.

She had the strangest urge to try to hold his hand just to see if he'd let her. They looped around the park and ousted a couple of hobos harmlessly wondering. A ten dollar bill and directions to a food pantry sent them on their way.

Sighing, Leon took her elbow to guide her across the street. She liked how he looked both ways and didn't let go until they were safely across. He had an innate habit of protecting people, she was sure of that.

They spent a good six hours of their shift not speaking.

As they took the stairs to the clock tower, Rebecca was finally tired of the silence.

Into the quiet, she inquired, "So...can I see your gun?"

With a laugh, he paused and pulled the enormous Magnum from his thigh holster. "Of course! Sorry. I was just thinking about Redfield back there trying to kick my ass. Probably because I went out with Claire and it...was a disaster."

Surprised, Rebecca held the huge weapon in her hands and was impressed by the weight of it. Leon's gun barely fit in her hands. Her gaze flicked from it to his face, "Oh? It didn't go well?"

She didn't let the joy zip too hard into her heart...at least she  _tried_ not to let it. She would not be happy that Claire wasn't going to be with him. She would not be happy that Claire wasn't going to be with him.

Ok..she was  _totally_ happy about it.

She was a horrible person, clearly.

"It...was horrible. She didn't seem interested. I wasn't sure if it was a date or just hanging out. She danced up on me and then...she said I-" He trailed off.

Brows arched, Rebecca wondered, "What?"

"I-I might offend you. I don't want to creep you out..."

"Please. What is it? What happened?"

He paused on the stairs. He seemed really concerned about it, but she decided to help him out. After all, she was officially a pro now at all things concerning sex. So she blurted, "She said you tried to ride her like a pony?"

Oh it was a good moment. They both froze. Leon's face flamed pink. Hers followed. Both of them cleared their throats.

Leon spoke first, a little hoarsely, "Hah...oof...shit. Ok. So, kinda? But it was-it was more like she said I wanted to poke her...in the...fanny? In the...ya know...brown eye, I think she called it. I just-I'm not that guy. I don't know what happened. It was a mess."

Considering, Rebecca squeaked, "Try it on me."

"What?"

"You know...do what you did to Claire...on me."

They were both flushing so hard. Rebecca rolled her lower lip under her teeth. Leon shot a hand through his hair. He finally shrugged and remarked, "Um...yeah, ok. Alright. Why not, huh? Just...come over here."

They reached the landing and he turned her away from the stairs. She let him guide her to a smaller alcove and turn her around. With her back to him, he told her, "...so just-dip down."

Confused, she bilnked over her shoulder, "How?"

"...er-like this?" His hands shifted. He took hold of her hips. Rebecca felt her heart slam so hard it was making her breathless. He tugged her down. She followed the move and let him pull her up and back...where she brushed right over his groin.

Yep. She was going to drop dead. The blood in her face rushed right down between her thighs. Her body seized up like he'd poked her in the fanny. She felt lightheaded as the length of him brushed against her butt.

No. That was wrong. It was his big gun right? That was the mistake. Claire must have brushed his Magnum. Admittedly, it felt huge against her butt as he let go of her and muttered, "...like that."

Feeling her heart race painfully, Rebecca turned her head over her shoulder and squeaked, "...oh...y-your gun poked me. She probably-it was your gun."

Brows knitted, he considered that. Was it? Had Claire felt his Magnum and thought it was his junk? Really? That angle seemed all wrong for that, but maybe. Aloud, Leon returned, "You think?"

"Yep. Sure. Uh-huh." Rebecca turned toward him. He was looking down at his Magnum and twisting his mouth while he considered it. He was still pink cheeked. She wanted to kiss him.

Why not now?

She leaned forward and her foot stepped on her own shoelace. She could almost stand outside her body and see it happen. Her hands shot out to stop her fall. She landed against him and grunted. He stumbled back two steps and racked his elbow on the railing behind him

She grabbed for him in fear he'd go over the balcony, and he grabbed for her with the same idea. His hand landed one on her butt and the other right smack on her boob. Hers both grabbed his butt to tug him forward.

If they'd been trying to grope each other, it would have failed. Instead? They were stuck together with eyes wide and horrified.

Rebecca, face flaming, whispered, "...oh, goodness..."

Leon's hand snapped off her boob and lifted like it was on fire. He put it right over his head and gulped, "...dude... _dude..._ what just happened?"

Rebecca really, really, really wanted to squeeze his ass before she released it, but she was a lady. She let go and stepped back. They both stood in the awkward silence until she muttered, "-I'm such a klutz. I'm so sorry."

He laughed, hoarsely, and nervously. "Hah...yikes. No sorry. It happens. At least we didn't both go over the railing and land in a pool filled with shit or something, huh? That would be our luck."

Rebecca shook her head. She knew how this ended. Hadn't she watched Jill hug him back there. She was going to lose him, eventually here, if she didn't press her advantage. Maybe she was crazy...but she'd felt  _something_ pressing on her belly before...and it wasn't his Magnum.

So she blurted, without preamble, "...I THINK WE SHOULD SLEEP TOGETHER!"

She kinda shouted it. It echoed in the old clock tower. He jumped like she'd smacked him. Rebecca winced and cringed.

Before he could answer, she rushed desperately, "W-w-wait...just hear me out, ok? I've never- I mean I haven't-er...I just...I'M A VIRGIN!"

Oh god. She was shouting. Why was she always shouting nervously around him? She couldn't stop. Her mouth opened, and the flood gates lifted. It was like watching a horror movie without the remote to stop it.

"I never had the time to stop being one, right? I just...got busy with school...and I met you and I like you...and you smell good. You -you seem sweet. We're friends, I think. I think we're good friends...and everyone laughs at me all the time for being-for uh...you know, for being  _me._ And I just want to...grow up. I need to grow up. Dontcha think? Just...would you think-I-er-um...do you want to be my first?"

Oh dear god in the heavens high above the world gone wrong...she'd just done that. She'd shouted at him about being her first lover.

He stuttered, "-uh...um..."

And she felt it coming again, the word vomit, "YOU CAN POKE ME IN THE BUTT!"

NO! She didn't mean it! Why did she say it!? What was  _wrong_  with her!? So she tried to back pedal, "-er...I meant-you can maybe poke it in my butt! But please don't pee on me, ok? I just...I just don't think it sounds good. I'm sorry."

Leon was staring at her like she had grown horns and second head. Her face was on  _fire._ She backed up two steps and squeaked like a mouse. Her foot caught on the rug, she turned to run, and she tripped.

She fell into the table beside her, rolled across it, and hit the floor on her belly with an "OOOMPH!"

Concerned, Leon came toward her, "Bec! Good god, you ok!?"

He helped her up. She was going to feint. It was that simple. She was going to pass out from embarrassment.

"-hah. HAHA. Oh, shit. Hah. I gotta...I should-what the hell am I doing? You think I'm crazy...forget this. Just...I gotta go! THANKS FOR LISTENING!" She gave him a thumbs up and ran for it.

What!? Thanks for listening!? What the hell was wrong with her!?

She ran for the stairs. Leon stood gaping on the balcony. And she prayed she'd be vaporized the second she passed out of the doors into the cold night air.

* * *

Frozen after she'd fled, Leon felt like he should probably shake loose the shock and get moving. He was, technically, still on duty. He couldn't focus on it for the life of him.

Was she serious?

Did girls do that? Did they just offer their virginity like that?

Did she think he knew what he was doing?

Maybe she thought he was a guy who...liked a good tuna sandwich. He cringed at his own joke in his head. He was losing his mind. Everything was surreal in his life. None of it made a lick of sense.

But she kinda did.

If he had to go for the first time like that...shouldn't it be a girl he trusted? He liked Rebecca. She was his pal. Having sex would be a great experimentation for both of them. It would get that awkward first time out of the way and let them -what had she said- grow up.

She wasn't afraid of him like Claire had been. She liked him touching her. She'd blushed a lot when they'd touched. She was always nervous. So he knew...he kinda figured...she was attracted to him. Right?

That's what the blushing meant. He was pretty sure. So what if they just...did it? Wouldn't it better for them both if they did?

It was just sex, right? It didn't have to mean anything. That's what everyone was always telling him anyway. They'd be doing each other a favor, right?

He exited the clock tower and caught sight of her running toward the RPD. Shaking his head, he jogged after her and hailed her, "Hey! Hey! WAIT!"

Why did no one ever listen to him?

Rebecca stopped, spun around too fast, and ended up on her butt on the pavement. Concerned again, Leon hurried toward her. He took her hands to tug her up, "You alright?"

She laughed and shook her head, "...no. No I'm not. I'm so stup-"

"Yes." He just blurted it out.

She froze. He gulped and cleared his throat, "I say yes. If you want...if you still want-I mean sure. Sure? Sure."

Rebecca blinked. He blinked. She squeaked, "Yeah?"

"...yep. Yeah. Sure. Why not, huh?"

Now she nodded rapidly, "GREAT!"

They both jumped and she murmured, "Sorry...sorry. Sorry for the shouting. I'm really nervous."

Charmed, he laughed, "...me too."

They both chuckled together. They didn't realize they were still holding hands, but Rebecca remarked, "...ok. So it's just...it's attraction right? Just two people...attracting. That's science. It's just basic biology."

"...uh...what?" He looked confused.

So she explained, "Fornicating...it's just science. Our bodies are engineered for it. So we should-just go for it."

Sheesh...that was the least romantic thing anyone had ever said. Probably. She winced and he laughed, "...ok. Sure. Why not? Where? I mean-your place? Mine?"

Rebecca, face flaming, shrugged, "...m-m-mine? Mine I think. Probably mine."

"Great!" He made her jump with his enthusiasm and quickly lamented, "Sorry...we're both killing this, right?"

Rebecca giggled and covered her face with her hands. "Oh my...I need-give me about an hour, ok? Maybe an hour. Or maybe-I mean...we can do this tomorrow if you'd rather? Or...?"

He laughed. He flushed across his cheeks, "No..uh...an hour is fine. If you're fine? I mean-I need to get a...ya know...a thing."

"...oh. Yeah. A prophylactic..right...so...ok then..." She backed up. She looked so nervous. She laughed and pinked even more and invited, "So I'll see you soon then."

"Uh-right. Yep. Sounds good." He backed up the other way to head toward the gas station on the corner, "An hour?"

"Yes, sir!" She gave him a thumbs up and winced. He grinned. She laughed and turned around to flee. "...I'm such an idiot."

He thought she was adorable.

They were going to do this. It was happening. It was going to be great. He kept telling himself that to fight through the abject fear. Either way, he'd said yes. It was time to live up that and not punk out.

So Leon ran down to the corner to buy his first pack of condoms...oddly elated and terrified the whole time.

* * *

**A/N:** _Thanks to everyone for enjoying this silly little story. It was kicked around between a good friend and I for just a little bit before I put it on paper. I'd been craving a little Rebecca and Leon for awhile. Since it's such a weird ship, it's hard to find. Hence - this guy. All the poking fun I do at the games and the movies is meant entirely in good spirits and with a great, massive, twenty year love for the series itself (even through it's missteps and inspite of the life action movies which we're not at all to my liking). I'm pleasantly surprised that it's gotten the hits it has already. I'm hoping its because we're all enjoying this little break from horror and drama to partake of a smidgen of romance and humor._

_Either way, thank you for coming along with me. Please drop me any suggestions in the comments or prompts for future stories. That's how I find my inspiration so often. If not for my muses, what would I be?_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** _Resident Evil is owned entirely by Capcom...more's the pity. Any character contained within does not directly resemble any person living...or undead.( *cough)_

* * *

**Some Kind of Wonderful**

* * *

_**Chapter Six:** _

**_Jus Primae Noctis_ **

* * *

" _Then, slowly, like the sunrise peeking over the horizon, she smiled._  
 _She snapped the box closed._  
 _She didn't scream. She didn't run. She didn't faint._  
 _There might have been a little crying._  
 _But mostly… she danced."_  
― Cora Carmack, Losing It

* * *

There were a hundred choices for condoms - each more terrifying than the last. Glow in the dark, pleasure shaped, flavored, studded, warming, french tickler -what the hell was that?- edible. Lambskin, latex, natural ultra thin, magnum...why wasn't there just a package entitled:  _ **This one, virgin**_?

Terrified, he wondered if Rebecca had an allergy. Was she allergic to latex? Heart pounding, Leon finally just grabbed the lambskin kind in a french tickler. Why not? He had no idea what the hell it was for, but it had to be pleasurable right?

He didn't even look the little cashier in the eye as he checked out. She giggled as she handed him the bag. Face flushing, Leon hurried out into the dark.

This was happening. It was on. He was about to have sex for the first time. It was time to dig down and remember every dirty movie and magazine he'd ever seen or read. He needed to channel  _Penthouse_  and  _Hustler_  and  _Playboy_. He needed to show her the time of her life.

Kevin had told him girls liked it doggy style and in something called the wheelbarrow. He was going to try that. He was going to try it all. He was half tempted to stop somewhere and try on a condom to make sure he knew what the hell he was doing, but that would take too long.

Instead he just headed right to her place and knocked.

An owl hooted somewhere and Leon jumped, whipping his head around like he might see his Mama standing out under the streetlight giving him the stink eye. He could still run. Right now? He could run and spare them both. He really, really didn't want to run. The good boy guilt chased around in his guts until Rebecca opened the door.

He might have changed his mind and panicked and fled...but she was wearing some little...something. Some little thing that was clearly meant to excite him. It was white, and looked almost virginal, until the light from her kitchen hit her back and turned it see through.

Shit.

His dick let him know it was very, very, very eager to get this going. His throat was seized up in nervous tension, but his body was raring to go. Softly, Rebecca whispered, "...Kat gave this to me...she said that's what-I can change or-"

"No! No...I-I like it. I'm just gonna..."

 _Penthouse_  in his blood, he came through the door like a guy in a romantic movie. She squeaked and let him in. His hands caught her face and turned it up. She made a grab for his butt and squeezed. Their noses smacked and stung a little.

Their mouths bumped too hard as she tried to swoop and kiss her and he muttered, "...sorry."

"Nope. No. It's ok. Just-" She pressed wantonly against him and opened her mouth.

Leon dug down for his inner porn star and stuck his tongue in her mouth. She gagged, choked, and gasped. He started to pull away and she begged, "No! No! It's ok. Let's try again. Just..."

She kissed him soft. He took her cue and shifted his hand from her face to the backs of her thighs. When she shivered, goosebumps popped on her delicate skin. Smooth, he thought, soft and smooth. He roved them up to her butt under the little nightgown.

She wasn't wearing any panties.

Lord.

Leon had to close his eyes and set her away from him for a minute. He was afraid he'd cum in his pants if he didn't. Nervous and scared, Rebecca whispered, "...I'm sorry. Is this...I'm sorry. Is it me?"

He shook his head. He couldn't very well confess to her that it was his first time too. She thought he was a nice guy with some experience that was ushering her into womanhood.

He didn't want to shatter that illusion.

So he told her, "...I just want to look at you for a minute."

She liked that. Her face flushed with happiness.

When his randy body was a little calmer, Leon caught the bottom of her nightgown and pulled it over her head. That didn't help at all. Her small frame was delicate, sure, but curvy in the right places. Her hips flared nicely and her small breasts were full somehow above her narrow belly. The little patch between her legs was dark and inviting.

She almost covered herself with her arms and he shook his head. He grabbed her wrists and held her hands down at her sides too look at her. She thought she'd pass out from the blood pounding in her head and loins.

Softly, she apologized, "...I never filled out right."

She was so insecure. It almost killed him. He shook his head again and told her, "...you're beautiful."

She wasn't, but she appreciated him saying it anyway. In reward for it, she didn't cover herself, but she wanted to. She was so nervous. She was afraid she'd start sweating soon.

Softly, a little scared, he asked, "...can I-can I touch you? Or you want me to get naked first...or...?"

Rebecca shook her head and rasped, "You don't have to ask me...you can just-"

He cupped one of her breasts in his hand to weigh it. Her nipple tightened as he curved his fingers around it to tug. Her face flamed painfully red. The soft light from above her stove was the only one in her place.

Concerned, he wondered, "...does that hurt?"

Rebecca rapidly shook her head no. His hand slid down her belly and skimmed over her little mound. She made a small sound like a mewl as Leon slid one digit between her folds to touch her. Slick. Moist. She was warm as he skimmed the little bud of her need and Rebecca jerked against his hand with a moan.

His hand retreated like he was afraid he'd hurt her again. "S-sorry."

Again, she shook her head. She grabbed his wrist and tugged him as she walked backward. Her knees bumped against the bed and she went to her back on it. What had they done in that movie?

Channeling it, she murmured, "You should show me your cock."

There. That sounded mature, right? Like a woman, not a girl. She liked it even as her face flamed in embarrassment. His did too. He stuttered, "O-o-ok. Yeah. Ok. Sure. Just..."

She watched him nearly trip and fall over trying to kick off his boots. He couldn't get his belt out of the loop until the third attempt and cursed. He dropped the chest plate from his uniform and pulled his shirt off. The thermal, the gloves, the elbow pads and the pants followed. How many damn layers was he wearing? Sheesh.

Finally in his boxers, he turned toward her in the dull light.

Those arms she'd admired were even nicer naked. He had a good flat belly that was toned and sprinkled over the pecs and down the belly with a little hair. It was clear he worked out, or had natural muscle tone. He had those lines above his hip flexors that told the story of lots of crunches and nice heavy thighs that came with lifting and running.

Softly, she told him, "I-I like how you look. You work out?"

That was lame. She should say something better, right? Something more suave. Yet he seemed to like it anyway. He blushed and told her, " Yeah...uh- yeah. Everyday. I like how you look too. A lot.."

She laughed nervously, "I'm too skinny."

Leon denied that as he moved toward her. She scrambled backward on the bed in anticipation. She laid back against the pillows as he joined her and said, "No, you're not. You're perfect."

Oh. Her heart. It stuttered like she'd been all night. It pounded so hard as he rose to his knees on the bed and reached for his boxers. Rebecca lifted a hand to help him. She tugged with him and they made it to his knees before she felt lightheaded.

That wasn't a hotdog.

Not even close.

Suddenly the name Ankle Spanker made perfect sense. It wasn't the little man in the bad movies weenie. It was as thick as a coke can and longer than two and half of her hands stacked atop the other. How big was it from her elbow to her wrist!?

She was suddenly afraid.

Hoarse, she whispered, "...t-that's what she meant."

Brows lifted, he wondered, "...who?"

Shaking her head, Rebecca took a deep breath like she was about to climb a mountain. She centered herself or harnessed her chi or found her happy place or something. It was happening. There was no backing out now.

It was time.

However, she was  _never_ letting that thing anywhere near her butt. Ever.

Rebecca tentatively put one hand on his hip and slid the other around his dick. Her hand couldn't close around it. The panic in her throat was painful, but the look on his face made it easier somehow. He looked like her touch was the best thing he'd ever felt.

Watching his face, she slid her hand down and back up his shaft. It rolled funny in her palm but not in a unpleasant way. Leon trembled, he made a small sound of pain and collapsed atop her like he was doing a push up. She kept sliding her hand up and down him and it was so soft somehow; hard- but soft. Warm and tender. She slid her thumb over the head and felt it slick the pad of her finger like a kiss.

Sticky and wet.

Trembling, she tilted her head back and kissed the cleft in his chin. It brought his face down to hers. He looked like he was trying not to fart or something. His face was clenched in control.

Afraid she was hurting him, she asked, "...you want me to stop?"

Leon shook his head sharply. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. She was watching him so rapturously. He lowered his mouth and kissed her; open eyed. Rebecca made a little noise like mmhmmm and shifted her left hand to cup under his balls.

Again, she thought, soft and smooth and somehow silly feeling. Like she was holding a delicate skin pouch with eggs inside...which she kinda was. She liked watching his face while she touched him. The little hairs on his groin tickled her fingers.

His face looked like it was the best thing he'd ever felt. It made some of the fear ease back in her belly.

His kiss was better this time, sweeter and smoother. Their lips brushed and tasted. She opened her mouth and he gently slid his tongue in to touch hers. After a long kiss, he finally shuddered and leaned back to warn, "...ok ok...hold on...just hold on..."

She was.

She thought she was.

Oh. He meant  _stop._ So she did. She let go of him. He leaned back until he was sort of straddling her thighs with his and grabbed for his pants on the floor beside the bed. His penis looked almost comically big jutting up like that.

She studied it with an almost scientific eye. She wasn't sure how it was going to fit in her. She knew, she was a doctor in a way, she had a degree in biology. She knew it would. She knew the vagina stretched to take it in. She just didn't think it was possible.

Testing, she touched the head and it wept a little for her. Leon grunted like it almost hurt. She watched him tug a little package from the box rip it open with his teeth.

Curious, her eyes just kept staring as he attempted to roll the condom down his shaft while muttering to himself. When it reached the end of his shaft it just...popped like a balloon or something. The thing ripped at the base with a squeak of sound.

Annoyed, he pulled it off and threw on the floor. He muttered angrily, "...natural, my ass. Cheap ass piece of crap."

She thought he was as nervous as her after all. She found him charming.

He grabbed another one to try again and told her, "...it's uh...lambskin? I didn't know if you had-like...allergies or..."

Rebecca shook her head, "No. Nope. Uh-uh."

"Ok...well...I didn't know...so I just got these." He got it on his shaft his time but it didn't look at all comfortable. In fact, Leon thought, they didn't mention on the box that the damn thing felt like a boa constrictor wrapped around your dick. It almost hurt.

It felt like he'd stuck his dick in a rubber rain boot that was six sizes too small.

Nervous again, he thought... _do I just put it in now? Or...?_

He turned back to her. She opened her legs and he settled between them. They were having trouble now looking at each other. He didn't think he was doing a very good job at this.

So he dragged up the last porno he'd watched and asked her in a raspy voice, "You been a bad girl?"

Her eyes went wide. Hadn't the beautiful man asked the girl on the altar that? "Uh...y-yes? We-we're still on duty, right? So...we're  _both_ bad."

There. That sounded like a bad girl.

What next? Going with it, he muttered, "You want to be punished, bad girl?"

Rebecca felt her face flame again. She thought:  _ok. This is what they were doing then. What was it? Rough stuff or something._

So?

She lifted her hand behind his hip and brought it down...and smacked him right on his ass. He jerked. He jumped. It echoed. His face flushed red and she cooed, "...y-yeah big boy. You like that?"

Did he?

He didn't  _not_ like it. It was just a surprise. It wasn't awful. It wasn't  _great,_ but it wasn't bad either. So he told her, "...oh yeah." Because he got the feeling that she needed a win here.

Oh. Good. Feeling proud of herself, Rebecca rubbed his butt cheek. He put his hand between her legs and felt over her mound. She made a sound of eager fear and opened her thighs a little wider.

Keeping one arm beside her head to leverage him up, Leon felt in between their bodies to touch her. He slid two fingers down the slickness of her folds and curled them up into her body. She squeaked and humped toward his hand like she liked it.

She was really, really tight. His fingers stretched her just pressing in a little bit. She moaned and he asked in wonder, "...good?"

Her face said good. She nodded breathlessly with her mouth agape. So he pushed his fingers into her further. She mewled and grabbed at his ass. He rubbed his dick on her hip and liked how satiny she felt on his balls as he pulled his fingers out and stuck them back in her again.

She stretched around his fingers again. He was kinda afraid he'd rip her in half if he just stuck his dick in her now. She was impossibly tight and small. Was she supposed to feel like that? Maybe she was a miniature size inside as well as out. She was petite after all.

He wanted her to get some kind of pleasure out of this thing. It was her first time. Girls wanted some romance and stuff their first time, right? So he shifted up to his knees between her thighs and used his other hand too. He palmed one of her breasts and increased the rhythm of his fingers. He just started pushing them in her faster. She drew her knees up and back, bracing her feet on the bed.

Her hips rose and fell against his hand like she was enjoying it. She whined a little. Her body turned good and wet and slick. What was he forgetting? Oh, right. The rest of her body.

Leon leaned over her to put his mouth on one of her little nipples and suck it into his mouth.

She  _really_ liked that. Her back arched. She squealed a little and his hand told him she was nice and slick now. So he pulled his fingers out of her and angled between her thighs.

She tasted good. He suckled on her and liked it. They both did. His dick liked her flavor too. It sprang up so hard it hurt a little. He switched to the other one and wasn't quite as gentle. She seemed to enjoy the roughness of his mouth. He cupped them both to push them together and rub his face on them.

Yep. She liked it. She moaned. Boobs - fun for everyone.

She was wiggling a lot, so he thought that meant she was ready. Now or never.

His mouth popped off her breast and Rebecca trembled. She watched him rub the head of his penis against her mound. Her thighs quivered and she thought:  _this is it. Soon, you'll be a woman._

Leon leaned back over her. He reached down and rubbed his dick against her a little bit. He couldn't feel anything through the stupid condom, but she seemed to like it. She whined again and her hands shifted to grip his butt.

Ok.

That was the sign. Like smacking a race horse on its flank, it was a signal that it was go time. Using his hand, he guided himself at her and pushed his hips. She welcomed him. It was what her body was made for after all, hadn't she said that?

He felt her stretch around him. He watched her face since he couldn't really feel her anyway. She looked at him with limpid blue eyes and her mouth wide open. He pushed in another inch and his body told him that hers was -  _super tight._ It liked it. He liked it. He felt his face flush with blood as he told her, "...shit. You feel good."

She liked that too. She moaned and trembled. She slid her hands to his hips to hold on and told him, "...I'm so glad it's you."

Shit.

That made him feel warm in places that had no name. He dropped his head to kiss her. She craned her neck to suck his tongue into her mouth. His balls liked that too and tightened painfully - and he couldn't wait anymore. He just shoved all the way into her.

Her body tightened like a fist around him like a vice; it made his eyes cross. Something ripped in her, they both felt it, and made tears spring in her eyes. It wasn't beautiful. It wasn't magical. It didn't change her life.

It just hurt.

She didn't like it at all.

Sex? It was terrible. Kat and Claire were big liars. They were masochists. They were stupid. This? It felt like he'd shoved a hot poker between her legs. No. NO. It felt like he'd shoved a hot  _parking cone_ up there.

Without thinking, she slapped his ass. But she wasn't trying to urge him on this time. She was trying to get him off her.

Sadly, he took it as a good thing and went out and back in. Oh, it was awful. It hurt like a painful burning now. It was so bad she couldn't do anything but bite her lip and try to tough it out. She'd invited him, after all, she'd asked for it. She had no idea it would be this bad.

For him, the weird thing was that he could really feel her now. After that first thrust, something had popped in her. They'd both felt it. What was it? Her hymen or something? He didn't know, but he knew he could  _feel_ her. She was so slick around him and tight and warm and wet and wonderful. It was the best damn thing he'd ever felt in his whole life.

The condom didn't make him numb anymore. It was french tickling or something. It was making him feel  _alive._

His face was pressed against her neck now. She listened to him pant with excitement. She almost yelled at him to get off, and he gasped, "...Bec.. _Bec.._ oh my god...you feel incredible."

And she couldn't. She didn't want to anymore. She wanted him to say stuff like that to her. She wanted to feel incredible. He started to move inside her again and she opened her legs a little wider to let him.

She closed her eyes and laid her cheek against his hair. He smelled so good. She focused on how he felt against her and tried to block out the horrible pain between her legs. His hips pulled back, it almost got better, and he pushed back in again.

He wasn't going real fast. He was going pretty slow actually. She knew he was doing that for her benefit. She loved him, in that moment, for trying so hard. So she whispered, "...oh yeah...harder."

Like the girl in the video to the beautiful man on the altar. She felt like...he deserved that. He was beautiful. He should get to fuck a girl on an altar like that. He was the beautiful man in that video to her.

She was hearts and flowers in love with him with a capital L. She wanted him to have anything he needed from her. She could ignore her own pain for him. Surely.

Her encouragement worked. Leon felt his blood hurt in his groin as he pulled out and shoved back in. Her body was so tight, it kept trying to stop him or something at the same time in invited him deeper by pulsing and hugging him, but she whimpered and he took that as a sign she liked it.

So he just...did it. He bracketed his hands beside her head. He snuggled up against her and she braced her feet on the bed for him. Her eyes were closed so tight that he lowered his mouth to kiss them one at a time.

She softened. He felt her stiff body soften...and he just started fucking her.

He didn't know exactly what else to do, but he'd seen it since he was about thirteen sneaking out to the pasture to laugh at the animals in season. The first time he'd watched in some kind of horror as his brother and his girlfriend had done it out behind the barn in the dark. She'd whined and screamed. She seemed in pain like the horses when they were mounted.

Rebecca was so quiet.

She whimpered and quivered beneath him. He sought out her mouth to kiss her and she let him. She eagerly turned her face up for it. The wet sound of her body absorbing his was so loud. He shifted a little and the angle changed enough that it was incredible for him. He hit something spongy at the end of her body and she finally made a sound.

She screamed a little and grabbed handfuls of his ass. Taking it as a good sign, he just plowed right against that spot. The head of his dick liked it alot. The condom did its job like a champ, it felt like a tickling all over his shaft. His balls seized as she tightened so hard around him that he thought she'd take it with her.

Into her ear, he gasped desperately, "...shit shit  _shit.._.oh shit..."

And he came.

It felt like somebody stuck a hand right up his dick and jerked something out of him. It hurt and felt like dying and flying and coming alive again. Leon made a little keen and a whimper and turned his head against cheek to seek her lips

She opened for his tongue and the cavity of her little mouth was as warm and wet as her body taking him in. It was the single greatest moment of his life.

He collapsed down atop her while his thighs quivered and his body spasmed a little in release. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He felt her shiver too and quiver and tremble.

Did she cum too? He'd done a good job after all. How could you tell?

After a moment, he realized she wasn't trembling in release. She was...weeping. He lifted his head, muscles jerking spastically, and panted, "...hey...hey hey...what is it? What?"

Rebecca waved a hand around and sobbed, "...n-nothing. Nothing. I'm  _fine._ I'm fine. It's nothing."

Well shit. Were girls supposed to cry after sex? He got the feeling the answer was no. He started to ask her about it and she whispered, "...you should go though. You should. Is that ok? I just...I need to be alone I think."

Yep. He'd done something wrong.

Horrified, he shifted and slid out of her body. It made a little sucking sound as he went. She moaned, but her face? It didn't say pleasure. It said pain. He'd hurt her. He'd hurt her fucking her.

He felt like a bastard.

As he reached down to take the condom off, he also discovered why it had felt so good - the damn thing was ripped. It was split from tip to down the whole left side. He'd basically been half bare backing her.

Softly, he relieved himself of the guilt, "...it probably still works though."

That sounded reasonable. He started to ask Rebecca and she'd curled on her side on the bed away from her. She'd brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them in the fetal position.

The light from the kitchen hit the curve of her butt and her back. The bed beneath her where she'd been was wet...and bloody.

Yep.

He'd hurt her.

He was a monster.

Ashamed, he slid off the bed and went down the hallway. He started her a bath and came back with a cool wash cloth. Without a word, he gently wiped the blood off her along her butt and the backs of her thighs and her sweet little mound. It had been so good for him.

He should have known it wouldn't be for her. Didn't they say it hurt for girls the first time? He'd been a brute. He should have gone slower and softer.

Rebecca felt the cool cloth on her. Surprised, she opened her wet eyes. He was cleaning her up.

Not only hadn't he left...he was trying to care for her.

She heard him make a small hissing sound and rolled her shoulder back to look at him. He looked so sad. It hurt her to see him look so sad. Rebecca lifted her hand to his cheek and his eyes shifted to her face.

Ashamed, he begged, "I'm so sorry. I'm a jerk. A big one. Are you alright? I started a bath for you."

So maybe sex was awful, maybe that was true, but this wasn't. This was nice. He was so gentle. He'd tried so hard before she'd urged him to enjoy himself. She couldn't stay angry.

Hiccuping a little, she whispered, "...thank you."

Leon kissed her palm. He shifted and slid his arms under her legs. And then?

He carried her to the bathroom like a white knight or something.

Maybe it wasn't feminist to admit it...but she liked the white knight.

He set her gently in the tub and Rebecca cuddled her knees up to watch him move to the toilet. He cleaned up himself with a frown on his face. There was a good amount of blood on him from her.

He hated himself a little and muttered, "...fucking asshole."

Rolling her lips in, Rebecca told him, "You're not. Not at all. It's me. It's not you...I think-maybe I'm not made for sex. Like my bodies too small or something."

Surprised, Leon glanced at her in the mirror over the sink. They held gazes. Finally, he shook his head,"...I think-I'm pretty sure someone told me it hurts alot for girls the first time. I think that's normal. You-you don't want...I mean...we don't have to..." He trailed off.

Oh.

Ohhhhh.

He wanted to do it again.

Somehow pleased even in pain, Rebecca felt a tiny laugh escape her. She swept at the tears on her cheek with the heel of her hand and told him, "...yeah. Maybe. Maybe we can...ya know..try again."

He smiled. She smiled.

And he said, softly, "I would like that...I...I can do better, Bec. I know I can. I can make it feel good for you. I swear."

Oh. Oh goodness. Her heart swelled. She put her face against her knees to hide the emotion. She wasn't ready to give him her heart as well as her virginity. She just wasn't. So she murmured, "...me too...I'll...see you tomorrow?"

"Y..yeah. Yep. Sure. Just...let me clear out here."

She heard him leave the bathroom. She heard him gathering his clothes. Quietly, she called, "Leon?"

And she heard him answer, "..yeah?"

"Thank you."

That sounded stupid. It did. But he'd given her something she'd needed in a way. Sure, it was awful. She felt somehow traumatized and somehow elated. Because he wanted to do it  _again._

So she must have done something right.

She listened. She heard her door open and him finally call, "No..I should thank  _you_...I'm really glad I met you, Bec."

The door closed. She sat so very still in the water. With the tears on her face, she finally rolled her lip under her teeth, put her face back in her knees, and giggled. The pain in her body was worth it.

She was glad she'd met him too.


	7. Chapter 7

_._

* * *

**Some Kind of Wonderful**

* * *

_**Chapter Seven:** _

**_Learn by Doing_ **

* * *

"What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits'? Does he provide her with health insurance?"  
― Chuck Lorre

* * *

**Raccoon City - 1998**

* * *

Kat and Claire were staring at her like she might have mutated into a monster. They kept blinking with their Slurpies halfway to their mouths. Finally, voice breaking, Claire wondered, "...with the Cornhole King?"

Kat, in awe, wondered how it was that little B Chambers had beat them to the punch and lost her virginity first. Of course, they couldn't very well tell her that. So the options were limited on what they could ask.

Rebecca shifted in her chair, still sore from the night before, and told them. "He didn't try to cornhole you."

Claire arched her brows, "I was there, B. I think I'd know."

Rebecca staunchly defended him, "...no. You-he...he's...very well endowed."

Kat choked on her Slurpie. Claire remarked in awe, "...how big?"

Piping in Kat added, "Yeah. How big are we talkin? Two hotdogs side by side? Or on top of each other?"

Rebecca, face pink, pick up her Slurpie. It was a twenty-ounce cup. Kat shrugged, "So? That's normal." She was guessing, but that felt right.

Rebecca shook her head. She took Claire's Slurpie..and set it on top of hers.

They both looked like she'd shown them a photo of his penis. They were frozen with their eyes wide. Rebecca shifted in her seat and nodded, whispering, "...yes. It-" She glanced around like she was sharing secrets with foreign intelligence and might end up in jail for doing it, "...hurt so bad."

Kat cleared her throat before she could talk, "...uh...hah...ok. Well..."

Claire shook her head and whispered, "I slapped him. I _slapped_ him. I slapped the nice guy with the huge dick."

Kat patted her back in sympathy. She leaned over the table and told Rebecca, "This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take him off your hands for you. That's what friends are for. He can't go around trying to cornhole my friends and ripping them apart. It's not right. Someone must stop him. I will protect you both."

Claire snorted and rolled her eyes. Rebecca adamantly shook her head, "No. No. He's...I'm...it's just..."

They both stared at her again and Claire finally reached over to take her hand. "B...do you love him?"

Rebecca felt tears spring in her eyes. She shrugged. She laughed sadly. "-from the second I saw him, I think. That's stupid, right? Love, at first sight, is a movie cliche."

Kat considered her with a tap of her nail to her lips and returned, "Maybe, but it's a simple enough thing, honey. Do you like him? Do you find him funny and fun and interesting and charming and wonderful?"

Rebecca nodded, sniffling a little, "All the time."

Claire patted her knee. "Yep. It's love."

Rebecca sighed. She wanted to tuck a hand between her legs and protect herself from the memory as she confided, "...I don't want to do it again."

With sympathy, Claire took her hand and gave her a soft expression, "B...it's always hurts that first time. You said he told you that too, right? It's-like...you know it's like being ushered into womanhood. It's hard. It hurts...but it's worth it."

Taking up the charge, Kat concluded, "Change hurts, B, but it's not always bad."

"Right." Claire sighed, wishing she'd found someone she wanted to feel that pain with. Sadly for her, pain was never at the end of pleasure in her life. With a little sadness, she told Rebecca, "Don't be afraid to be happy, B. You deserve it."

Kat nodded and looped an arm over her shoulders, "Exactly. Besides...the hard part is over. It only gets better from here on out."

They were all _really_ hoping that was true.

With a little trepidation, Rebecca told them, "...the condom...it kinda ripped. That's really bad, right? It's bad."

Their faces said bad. Claire gripped her fingers, "Oh, Bec...big time rip?"

Rebecca nodded, face pale. "Big time."

Kat sighed, "...again. Bad, but not doomed. You on the pill?"

Her lack of answer made them both stare at her. With surprise and pure shock, Claire gasped, "Rebecca!"

"I _know!_ I know I know. I was planning to! I swear to god!"

Kat took a deep calming breath, "Ok. Shit and double shit on a cracker made of conception...ok. So we just-we fix it. We can fix it. We need that pill, right? The one that makes sure you don't get pregnant?"

Claire nodded rapidly. "Exactly. Yep."

Rebecca shifted in her seat. She looked nervous. Finally, after a moment, she queried, "That's what we'll get then...does anyone know where?"

Sighing, Claire told her, "...I do actually, but you're not gonna like the person we have to ask."

* * *

Standing in the condom aisle, Leon was chewing his lower lip. He was here again, he thought, trying to choose the right one. Beside him, Kevin was looking pensive.

"Dude...you're telling me you ripped the damn thing?"

Leon shrugged, flushing a little. "Twice. I don't get it. What's the fucking point if they just rip like that?"

Patting his back, Kevin told him, "It means you have a huge dick, my friend. And that you're wearing the wrong size."

Surprised, Leon shot his brows up into his hair. "Really?"

"Yep. Really. Here." Kevin picked up the Magnum kind and handed them over, "Go home. Turn on some porn. Tuck one of these fuckers on and just beat that meat like you're pounding out a piece of veal. You'll figure it out."

Leon sighed. He hold the box of Magnum condoms with some trepidation before he confessed, "...it felt really good when it ripped."

Kevin patted his back again with a heavy sigh and a nod, "It does, young Jedi. It does. But you want a brood of brats around your ankles? What are you? Barely twenty one?"

Leon heaved out a breath, "I know, but what if I can't figure these things out?" With some concern, he glanced around before he added, "And I really hurt her. She cried. She was bleeding. I don't think she liked it at all. Maybe I shouldn't try it again."

Kevin nodded sagely as they headed out of the Walgreens and started walking back to the station. "I have a better idea. She's not your girlfriend, right?"

Leon looked vaguely confused, "..no? No. I don't think so. We just agreed to- you know- do it."

"Got it. Smart man. Never tie yourself to one girl. You have...a gift that should be given to all the ladies you can. Share your wealth, and thank me later. I'm going to help you out."

This time, Leon stopped on the sidewalk and laughed, "No. _No._ You kidding? Last time, your _help_ got me bombarded with weirdos and perverts trying to sleep with me. No thanks, bro. I'm good."

Kevin rolled his eyes, "One - that's what happens when you have a huge ankle spanker hanging between your legs. Two - you should have said yes to some of those girls. A virgin with a virgin? The two of you were just asking for horror. You need a girl who knows how to handle that swinging sledgehammer, my friend. A girl that can...show you how to rip a girl in half in a way that makes her beg for more. _Then_ you go back to Rebecca and show her you know how to please her."

Leon looked vaguely concerned as they started walking again, "...I don't know. That's like cheating."

Kevin gave him a roll of his eyes and remarked, "It's like _learning_ dude. She's ain't your girl. She's just your friend. I'm not saying marry a woman...just... _learn_ at the knees of one."

Leon narrowed his eyes, "...in what way?"

Kevin steered him to the side of the street. He gestured at the window of a cafe. Inside, a pretty blonde girl was laughing and serving scones. She paused, threw back her head, and touched the base of her throat as she did it.

"That's Rhiannon. She's...friendly. She likes making friends. She's the type of girl who likes...teaching." Kevin patted his back, "You need to learn about clit, my friend. The clit and the woman attached to it. Sure...you could just..." Kevin gestured and made a motorboat sound as he put his face over his fingers made into a "V". It looked like he was trying to win a pie eating contest by stuffing as much in his mouth, as messily as possible, as fast as he could, "...but there's more to it than that. Talk to Rhiannon. She's your Yoda. Go be her Skywalker."

When the pretty blonde saw them beyond the glass, she winked at Kevin and waved. He pointed at Leon and she flushed pretty pink and gestured with her head at him to come in. Nervous, he glanced at Kevin and asked, "You sure? This feels really-it's weird, right? This is weird."

Kevin patted his back again, "Weird? No. Weird is a virgin trying to learn how to fuck a girl from another virgin. Use the force, young Skywalker. And trust me. Have I ever steered you wrong?"

Shrugging, Leon took his advice and wandered into the cafe. Kevin was his friend, right? He wouldn't lead him astray. He was just trying to help.

He was bound and determined to be the best at everything after all.

* * *

Jill was surprisingly laid back after she found out the person asking for help wasn't Claire. After an ear pinning lecture before she could explain, Claire finally informed her that she wasn't the one "in a pickle". Muttering, angrily, Claire finished, "...not that it's any of your business anyway...shit."

Jill gave her a narrow look and Claire flushed and turned away, "It's Rebecca! She...had some sex."

Meekly, Rebecca whispered, "The condom ripped."

With sympathy, Jill looped an arm over her shoulders and guided her into the apartment. "When's your period?"

Rebecca told her when she expected it and Jill patted her gently, "You're ok. The timing is wrong, but just in case we'll go get you checked out and get you started on birth control...the rookie?"

Rebecca nodded. She smiled weakly and confessed, "...I was a huge letdown. I cried and I couldn't...I was really bad at it. I don't think he'll ask me again. I'm bad in bed."

She burst into tears and Jill kissed her forehead and told her, "Hey... hey hey hey...boys? Boys are easy, B. He ripped the condom?"

Sniffling, Rebecca nodded. "When-when he was...when we were-ya know."

Jill's eyes flared. She cleared her throat to keep from laughing. "Gotcha. He fucked you so hard he ripped the condom."

Rebecca's eyes filled with tears as she squeaked, "-b-because he said I was so tight. I was too tight! I didn't meant to be! How do I stop that?"

Kat and Claire were staring at Jill across the small apartment like she was the Wizard of Raccoon or something and she might have all the parts they needed to be complete. Trying not to be so amused, Jill instructed, "First...stop crying. It's ok. Sit up and look at me."

When she did, Jill swiped at her tears and told her, "Being tight? That's a _good_ thing."

Rebecca blinked and tears spilled down her cheeks, "Really?"

Jill nodded, grinning, "It's a really good thing. He ripped the condom, Rebecca, because he was having such a good time that he just let loose. He was probably wearing the wrong size condom based on what I've heard...was he...endowed?"

Rebecca sniffled and her cheeks pinked, "It was really big. I..it-it hurt alot."

Taking pity on her, Jill rubbed her back in a circle, "It does that. When you feel a big one...it always has a moment where it's-full. Where you feel really full. If you're not ready, it can hurt a lot."

Eyes wide, Rebecca whispered, "Every time?" In horror.

And Kat echoed it on the other couch, "Yeah, every time?"

Nodding, Jill finally addressed all three of them. "Yes. Every time. But when you're ready? When you're excited and the timing is right?" She sighed and pressed a hand to her bosom, "...it's goooood."

Rebecca sat up a little straighter, "...I want it to be good. I really do. What can I do? He...I want to please him. I want him to enjoy me. Before we -before he-it was good. It was all so good. I want the rest to be good."

Shifting on the couch, Jill knew it was risky. If she gave Rebecca instruction, she'd be inadvertently teaching Claire too. If Chris found out she'd helped them get better at sex...he'd flip his shit and go on a rampage. The rookie might be the unexpected target.

But Rebecca looked so hopeful. She looked so eager. How could she say no?

So instead, Jll told her, "...ok. Let's go to the clinic...on the way back...we're gonna stop at the Chastity Belt."

All their faces lit with twin mirrors of terror and elation. The Chastity Belt was a _sex_ shop. It sold all the novelties one might use for the pleasure of themselves and their partners in the bedroom.

They'd never, ever set foot in such a place. Claire wanted to, Kat often said she did, but neither had really ever been there. Rebecca looked ill at the thought. Trying not to find them impossibly cute, Jill told the trio, "Easy, kids. It's not gonna hurt, I promise you."

But their faces said each of them had never been more eager to be scared.

Like the high that comes with chasing a rush just becore a roller coaster plummets perilously down a rickety slope, they were all poised at the top of a great adventure. The first one to lift their hands and let go, turned out to be the meakest of them all.

Rebecca whispered, "...I'm in." She gave Jill's a shaky thumbs up.

Not to be out done, her cohorts in crime followed suit. Claire vowed, "I will buy the biggest dildo in that shop!"

And Kat piped in, "And I will buy some nipple clamps!"

Where she was sitting, Rebecca murmured, "...I would just like to buy some courage."

Kissing her forehead, Jill told her, "Honey, you've got more than you think."

* * *

Leon let Rebecca in at half past six that evening. They were both, seemingly, equipped with all the knowledge in the world now.

Rhiannon had invited both him and Kevin up to her place that afternoon. While Kevin sipped a beer and watched like a weird master overseeing the instruction of his pupil, Leon had raptly listened as she took off her panties, hiked her perfect ass up on the kitchen counter, and spread her legs like obscenely.

Almost clinically, she'd pointed out the parts of her body and showed him what she liked. While Kevin smoked and nodded, watching her as if he were taking in a lecture at Hardvard from the greatest minds in the world, Leon felt like an eager ingenue at the knee of a maestro. It was almost scientific, until she invited him to touch her to help him learn.

Nervous, he'd told her in a whisper, "I think that's cheating. I'm kinda-I don't know the rules about friends who...ya know...do it together."

Touched by his sweetness, Rhiannon had answered, "It's ok, sweetie. You don't have to touch me. Just watch her face. You'll know when you find the right spot."

Admittedly, he thought with awe, the pussy was a pink paradise. Hers was lovely. She looked somehow angelic in the sunlight even with her high heels hooked over the bar stools to leave her whole thing on display.

With a boys wonder, he watched and listened as she instructed him in how to touch a woman, how to kiss her, how to please her. She showed him by touching herself. Raptly, he watched her face flush, he heard her breath hitch, he saw her hips jerk toward her fingers. She made a sound and he watched her body...well...orgasm.

As he stared, goggle eyed, Kevin patted his shoulder. "Yep. It's like that. You're welcome."

After that, Leon had sat on the couch watching t.v. while Rhiannon and Kevin had gone up to her loft above them to...further his education. Listening to her squeal and the squeak and thump of bed and springs, Leon wondered if he'd been doing it wrong after all. Rebecca had never made those sounds.

At one point, Rhiannon shouted, "You stupid son of a _bitch! FUCK ME!"_

Was that how it was?

There was a slapping noise and Kevin's laughter. There was Rhiannon grunting like a pig and keening high and loud. Kevin called her a whore and the silence was suddenly loud.

After a handful of moments, they'd come back down the stairs. As they started to leave, Rhiannon told him, "Listen, sweetie, all you need to know about girls is right there between their legs. She'll tell you when she's happy. She'll tell you when she's not."

Curious, Leon asked her, "Were you happy upstairs? You were...cursing."

Rhiannon laughed and patted his cheek, "Oh, sweetheart. You have a _lot_ to learn. Go make love to that girl before you fuck her like you paid her."

Right.

He was going to try.

For Rebecca, the day had consisted of sitting in Jill's apartment getting a lesson on blowjobs like they did for housewives sometimes at parties. They'd each bought the biggest dildo in the shop for practice.

Amused, Jill had taught them about teeth, jaw placement, suction and pleasure. Rolling your lips over your teeth, tucking your tongue down and curling it around the head. She'd had them all bobbing, laughing, and learning with rapt attention as if she were the Jesus of Oral Sex giving a sermon on the mound.

"The balls," Jill told them, "The balls are the secret. Cup them, roll them..."

Kat had mashed the balls on her dildo and made Jill wince and tell her, " _GENTLY._ For god's sake, you want to make him a sorprano?"

To which Claire had piped in, "Oh my god...I love the _Sopranos._ Did anyone see the other night when the one guy got clipped behind the pork-" She paused when Jill gave her a droll expression and blushed, apologizing, "Sorry. Go on."

Clearing her throat, Jill had continued, "Anyway...gently fondle the balls. Like this." She rolled her fingers and her hand. "Delicate."

Kat nodded, "Do you put the whole thing in your mouth? Like all the way down until the balls go in there too?"

Eyes wide, Jill cleared her throat, "No...haha... _no._ Don't do that. Ouch."

Rebecca jotted down on her notebook and asked, "How about before you put the penis in your mouth?"

Jill had nodded, "Sure. Again. Gently. So very delicately. You could really hurt him if you hoover vacuum your mouth around his junk. Save that for his dick."

Nodding, Rebecca made a diagram about it. Claire asked, curious, "How about his - ya know- his stink hole?"

Interested, Kat added, "Yeah. The brown eye. Do you like...put a finger up there...or whatever?"

Brows lifted, Rebecca wondered, "Or your tongue? That guy on the movie liked when the girl put her tongue on him there."

Claire made a puking face, "...don't remind me."

Laughing, Kat told Jill, "He looked like Chris."

Jill chuckled and shrugged a shoulder, "Each guy is different. Some guys like that. Some guys don't. Ask him if he wants you to toss the salad, and you'll know."

Rebecca made notes on that. Kat asked, unabashedly, "Out of curiousity, _does_ Chris like that?"

High pitched, Claire shouted, "For all that is holy! Do _not ever_ answer that!"

And they all laughed.

It was all going to pay off for her tonight. She just knew it.

As they stood awkwardly in his living room, it was finally Rebecca that spoke first. "Do you want me to toss your salad?"

He jumped at the invasion into the silence. Her face flushed pink. He looked confused. But maybe she meant she wanted to eat first. So he nodded and said, "Um...sure. I guess. If you want to?"

Rebecca felt a little queasy at the idea, but maybe that's just what men wanted after all. Surely, she could handle putting a finger in his butt. Right? If he liked it, she could handle that.

But her mouth?

She had to try. It was the right thing to do.

Nodding, Rebecca turned toward his bedroom and took a deep breath. "Ok. Let's...you ready?"

Confused, he wanted to ask about dinner, but instead he shrugged, "S-sure? Yeah. Ok. Sure. If you are?"

"Yep. Totally." Nope. She wasn't. Not even a little bit. But her bragging tone said otherwise.

They moved into his bedroom. Watching each other, they both undressed until they were naked. Rebecca felt that urge to cover herself again, but squashed it. Instead, they faced each other in the nude and just stood there.

Remembering what Rhiannon had told him, Leon said, "I want to watch your face when I touch you. Ok?"

Oh. She liked that. He watched her face flush. She rolled her lower lip under and nodded.

She shifted to sit on the bed and he told her, "Just...here."

She watched him shift and prop her back up with pillows. Leaning against the softness, Rebecca felt her heart thud so hard as he shifted onto the bed and opened her legs. As he started to reached forward and touch her she gasped, high and loud, "WAIT!"

He almost fell off the bed. He pulled back like her pussy had shot flaming arrows out of it at him. He lifted his hands above his head as if he'd been caught red headed by a cop.

Almost laughing, she told him, "S-sorry. Sorry. I just-I'd like...can I try...you know...you first?"

oh.

Ohhhhh.

Taking a deep breath, he nodded. He walked a little toward her on his knees. She rolled to all fours. Her pert little butt poking up in the air worked like a charm. His balls were heavy and aching and he was fully erect before she even touched him.

Tentatively, she reached down to cup his sack. He trembled. Taking that like a good thing, Rebecca slid her hand around his shaft and angled her mouth at his hood. The second she touched her tongue to the slit of him, he nearly fell over. His knees tightened, his hands slid into her hair to hold, and he made a small sound of excitement.

Ok, Rebecca thought, good. That was good. She rolled her lips over her teeth, she sucked in a breath, and she wrapped her mouth around the fat length of him. She got about a quarter of the way down when it was a bit like swallowing a fist.

Throat working, saliva spilling down to ease the way, she breathed through her nose and worked her way further down. She might have retreated, but he made some sound like a desperate little whine or something. He peeled her hair back in his hands to watch her. She rolled her eyes up the line of his body and she just...she really, really, really liked that look on his face.

Was that the face he'd made when he was _in_ her? Like he'd never felt anything better in his life?

 _She_ was that place for him.

It made all of it, every aching minute of pain- worth it.

She wanted to make this the best moment of both their lives and see him get really excited for her. So she slid her hand around his hip as she tried to swallow more of him. Her throat tried to tell her _NO WAY_ and her hand curved over his butt cheek. She sneaked a finger toward his crevice. He watched her swallow another inch of him and her throat started protesting in spasms that made his eyes cross.

And she, well, she poked that little finger right at his butthole.

The second she touched him there, his butt seized right up to reject her. He shouted and jerked on her hair as his hips humped forward to get away. The bad news was that it pulled her completely down on his dick. She gagged. He pulled her off in horror and she just...well...she ended up falling backward off the bed.

All because she thought it was a good idea to stick her finger in Leon Kennedy's butt.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** _Resident Evil is owned entirely by Capcom...more's the pity. Any character contained within does not directly resemble any person living...or undead.( *cough)_

* * *

**Some Kind of Wonderful**

* * *

_**Chapter Eight:** _

**_Try, Try Again_ **

* * *

"If she had looked into his eyes at that very moment she would have seen the inferno that she had thrown him into."  
―  **Mirella Muffarotto, Every Boy is a Book**

* * *

Rebecca squeaked. Leon grabbed for her and missed. And she went down on the carpet coughing.

Horrified, Leon leaned over the bed to try to pick her up. "Bec! Oh my god! Are you ok?!"

She coughed and gave him a thumbs up. She started laughing before she even joined him again on the bed. They both did, holding hands on the bed while they tried to figure out what was worse here: her coughing and watering eyes, or his utter and complete embarrassment.

Gently, he told her, "I'm so sorry...I wasn't-I guess I didn't expect that."

She nodded, trying to get her throat to stop hurting. "...me either. I thought...I thought guys like that."

Did they!?

No one had ever told him that, but maybe she was right. Should he let her put a finger up his butt? Maybe he'd like it.

He really tried to get behind that idea, no pun intended, but it was just too awkward. So instead, he made her jump in surprise when he kind of shouted, "Let me do you!"

She blinked at him with big eyes. He felt his face flame and tried again, softer, "...let me-just...here." Leon lifted her under her arm pits and angled her back on the bed. When she was flat and looking at the ceiling, she felt her belly tighten with excitement.

He was kneeling on the floor with her legs over his shoulders. She felt totally awkward, sure, lying there while he stared at her vagina from inches away. Shifting, she looked up a little bit to see what he was doing. He appeared to be studying her almost...what? Scientifically?

She started to ask what he was doing, "Wha-"

And he put his face just...right up on her.

After a second, she felt him smoosh his nose and mouth on her and just start blowing raspberries or something. Her brows flew up. His face waggled back and forth between her legs. She blinked at the ceiling fan turning.

It wasn't bad exactly. It wasn't  _good,_ but it wasn't bad. It was...weird. It felt weird. He was..what did they call that? Motorboating? He was motorboating her down there. Rebecca felt her brow knit with concentration.

Maybe it was supposed to feel good for her too.

She tried to focus on it feeling good.

Occasionally, he'd touch some part with his nose or lips that sent a spark of good into her belly, but he'd quickly go back to just feeling kinda odd. She felt his finger slide into her and made a small sound of excitement. That part felt right.

But his finger didn't stay long. It slid back out of her as she wondered, "...I do-"

And he poked that finger at her butthole.

Apparently, that was he karma for doing it to him. She shrieked. Her thighs snapped shut around his face and made him grunt and she humped her hips up shouting, "Ew! No! No no! I don't want your finger in my butt!"

Yeah, she thought, sex? Not at  _all_ what it was cracked up to be. She wasn't enjoying it in the slightest.

Leon dumped back on his butt and her legs slid down to the floor. He wiggled his head to restore hearing and muttered, "...I think we're getting bad advice."

Rebecca glanced up at him over her hip. He looked so defeated. She actually felt sorry for them both and remarked, "You could be right. Why don't we just..."

She put her hand down to him. He took it and rose. To her surprise, he was still jutting big and ready from the little patch of hair on his groin. She felt her face flush pink as she murmured, "...did you actually like that?"

Looking kind of nervous, he shrugged a shoulder and answered, "...yeah. I mean...you taste good."

Oh.

Oh oh oh.

Her whole body blushed. Her breasts even pinked now. She covered her face with her hands and just...giggled. She was shaking her head and laughing behind her hands, high and nervously. "...oh, Leon... _Leon..._ what am I doing here?"

Surprised, slid on his side on the bed beside her. Unsure, afraid she was crying, he rubbed her belly like he was petting her, "I'm sorry. We don't have to do this. We can...go to a movie or get a pizza or something. If you want. If you'd rather...?"

He thought she was...what? What was he thinking? Deciding to try this their way instead of everyone else's, Rebecca split her fingers to peek between them at his face and muffled out a question, "No no. Not that. It's me I mean-it's just...why are you here with me?"

Brow knitted, he shook his head, "I don't understand that. What does that mean?"

She shrugged a little, "You don't like me that way, do you? Isn't it Jill that you-"

To her surprise, he sounded upset when he told her, "Stop. Ok? Stop talking about me like that. I'm not special. I'm lazy. And I'm full of shit. I didn't even hit puberty until I was almost fourteen or get hair on my nuts until highschool. I don't know what kind of pedestal you're putting me on, but stop it. I think you're beautiful."

She shook her head behind her hands, "You don't have to say that just because you're trying to sleep with m-"

He cut her off again, "Damn it, I'm not. Rebecca...look at me and stop it."

He tugged her hands from her face. Face flaming, she shrugged again and muttered, "...sorry."

Shaking his head, he scanned her face as he told her, "Look at me."

Her eyes eeked open. She felt him looking right at her and her face just turned bright red as whispered, "I'm trying. I really am, but I  _can't."_

Leon heavy out a frustrated breath and exclaimed, "Why!? Why not?!"

And Rebecca whispered, "...because I think you're just...I think-whoo-hah...I can't even think when you're by me."

Flattered, humbled, he laughed gently. "I don't deserve that. I'm the homely Kennedy."

He watched her eyes finally open to squint at him, "...what?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm the ugly brother. The baby. The skinny one. The awkward one. My other brother's are  _tons_ better looking."

For a moment, she couldn't understand what he was saying. Then it hit her, like a lightning bolt to the brain. That was why he was so beautifully, wonderfully, perfectly sweet and humble - he'd been out shone by his brothers all his life. He was the ugly duckling, in his eyes, but he'd never notice the moment he became the swan. He didn't understand that he was, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

Ever.

Softly, blinking at him, she told him, "I don't think you're looking at the same face I'm looking at when you say that."

Without missing a beat, he skimmed a finger down her nose and remarked, "...ditto, kiddo."

Oh.

Her heart hurt. She was breathless. Nerves? No. Love. She loved him. It hurt. It was painful. It was really, really painful. She wanted to die in it. The romance of it made her weak.

Her hand caught his wrist. She tugged it down to settle it between her breasts. She covered it with her other hand and whispered, "...that started the first moment I saw you."

His face showed everything he was thinking. His eyes were soft and giving. His mouth was wonderfully curved. He didn't say another word - he just leaned down to kiss her. And that?  _That was all good._

When he leaned back, they were looking at each other in some kind of softness she'd never felt before. Her free hand cupped his face as she confessed, "I'm gonna try not to feel twelve years old and starstruck when I look at you."

Without a word, he slid her to her back on the bed. She went, feeling her heart race, as he rose above her. Her legs parted an he settled between them. He kissed a wet line down her belly.

He was determined, she thought wildly, to please her. She started to suggest something else and he just...kissed her there. Surprise had her body jumping a little. Her thighs opened and her feet braced on the bed.

His hand gripped a pillow beside her and slid it under her butt. He leveraged her up toward him and he didn't motorboat her. Staring at the ceiling fan, she felt her eyes cross as his fingers parted her and he just...he put his mouth against her. Gently. Almost sweetly. Almost perfectly. His tongue curled and slid at the apex of her body. When she moaned, he leaned back and said, "Bec?"

Shivering, she whispered hoarsely, "...y-yeah?"

"Grab that pillow above you and put it behind your neck and shoulders."

"...um...ok. Sure...but why?"

"I want to see your face."

Of course.

Of course he did.

Heart racing, thighs trembling, Rebecca gripped the pillow and tugged it under her. It put her almost sitting as she watched him between her legs. He parted her folds again. His other hand traced a finger down the slick crevice of her. The moment she gasped and her body bowed, he knew he'd found it. The little bud was the love button. Remembering the motions Rhiannon had made on herself, he copied it.

He swirled his finger on her love button.

In all her life, she'd never felt anything like it. It was as if someone had tossed an electrical wire into water. It sparked. It crackled. She gasped and arched toward the motion of it. Her mouth fell open and she whined.

Watching her face, he leaned forward and put his lips where his finger was swirling. She gasped, she trembled, and he sucked that little bud into his mouth. Rebecca cried out and jerked toward his face.

His other hand slid up her thigh and under. She was jumping and making a small, high pitched sound as he slid a finger into her body. Whatever he'd been waiting for, it was better. The second he sucked and tucked that finger into her body, she came alive.

She humped at him desperately, grabbing handfuls of his hair. Her body started convulsing and her thighs snapped closed slightly around his movements. To avoid getting his head smooshed, he leaned up and replaced his tongue with his thumb. He sent two fingers into her body and used his thumb to roll around that nub that wanted his attention.

She grabbed at his forearm and wrist with her small hands. He leaned up her body to kiss her. Something about sharing that taste of her seemed to really set her off. She bucked at his hand, she used his arm to push his fingers into her faster. His thumb kept circling almost lazily at her clit.

It was easier than he'd though somehow. Her noises. Her face. Her eyes flashing and hooding and fluttering. Better than he'd though it would be. He tried out her breasts while he touched her, he mounded one in his hand and licked it. She keened and grabbed for his face. So he sucked it into his mouth.

And she loved that. She loved it. Her back arched, her body rocked and humped at his hand. She whined so loud and high, but it wasn't enough. He wanted her to start screaming and jumping and bucking. How did he get her there?

He lifted his head. He studied her blushing, sweating, wildly desperate face. What did she need? Leon's free hand snapped around the back of her neck. The roughness of it startled her. Her eyes flew wide. She moaned and humped at his hand.

What did she want?

He leaned down and gruffly asked her. What else could he do here? Against her mouth, he grunted, "...tell me what you want."

Oh. The dirtiness of that single statement. It made her head dizzy. She shook it, gasping, "I-I-oh...oh god...I  _don't know!"_

She did, he thought, she just didn't know what  _it_ was. He did. He'd had one in her that first time. He grabbed her hand and slid it down to join his on her body. Surprised, she started to resist and he told her, "...trust me. Just trust me...touch yourself."

_Jesus._

Whatever he was doing to her, he was killing himself here. He was so hard. His dick and his balls hurt. Her hand replaced his as he slid away to grab for his nightstand. He found the condom box as she gasped musically.

His eyes flew back to find her watching him as she fingered herself.

It was the most incredible thing he'd seen outside of a movie.

Softly, he asked her, "...do you like that?"

She nodded and answered, hoarsely, "Do you?"

Shit. Did she need to ask?

The second he grabbed the little foil, she made a sound of fear. Ok.  _Ok._ He couldn't-he just couldn't hurt her again. So he dropped the condom and turned his attention back to her. The last time, she'd made it all about him. He was going to make sure this time was all about  _her._

So he slid back onto his belly and added his tongue where her fingers were stroking. Undone, she mewled a little and humped at his face. As she tucked a little finger against her clit, he speared two into her wet heat. Her free hand grabbed his face so hard it kinda slapped, but that was ok. She was keening high and scared.

When he felt her thighs tighten, she gasped desperately, "I'm-oh I'm gonna pee! You have to stop or I-"

She didn't pee, but she didn't just crest prettily like in the movies either. She kinda...squirted. It hit his eye and her thighs snapped together so hard it crushed his face against her and between her legs. Her fingers speared fully into his hair and she...well...she forcefully humped his face making small sobs. She kept squeaking, "Ohohohoh ooh ohhh oh oh oh."

She kept thrusting at him and gasping and shaking.

So this was  _good._

It was painful as she abused him a little with her desperation, but it was good. She was clearly having an orgasm. He was smothering to death against her groin, but she was bucking on the bed and crying.

So that was good...right?

After a moment, her thighs released him and he gasped for air against her wet mound. She was soaked, but not like she'd peed herself. It was slick and sticky. It slid against his chin and his eye. He dropped his face to the bed to wipe it clean as she squeaked, "Oh...oh god. Wha-? I'm so sorry."

Leon leaned up to look at her. She was sweaty and panting. Her face was flushed and streaked with tears. She made a small sound like she'd start crying for real and added, "...I think I peed in your bed."

A whisper. A horrified one. She whispered it. She put her face in her hands to hide.

He rose to his knees and grasped her wrists to peel them back as he told her, "...did it feel good?"

Her thighs were still twitching. She peeked between her fingers and told him, "Yes. I'm sorry. I'll clean it up."

Before she could start crying, he shook his head and tugged her hands down to her lap to inform her, "You came."

Blinking, she studied his face. He looked so happy. He looked so proud of himself. With surprise, she realized that's exactly what had happened. First hot, than shaking, than a tightening that was almost painful and pressure like she'd pee...and then?

Her body had just let go. Her belly, her butt, her uterus and her vagina had seized up and released in a way that had felt like nothing she'd ever known. She'd felt wild, unbidden, unstoppable. She'd never felt so incredible before.

Her clitoris and her vagina were still throbbing with aftershocks of pleasure. Whispering, she told him, "...that's why I'm still clenching... _down there."_

Before she could say anything, he slid two fingers into her to feel it. It felt so good that her hand shot out to grab his wrist with a high pitched cry. She was so tight inside that the feeling of her went from his fingers to his groin and was painful. He wanted to put his dick in her, but he was afraid she'd cry and he'd hurt her again.

So he took it in his hand instead and walked up on his knees a little toward her. She parted her thighs and reached forward. Their hands met on his shaft and started working together.

It didn't take long. With his fingers in her, with hers on him, it was over so fast. Fifteen seconds of pumping and he grunted a warning and angled at her belly. The wet spurt of him splattered a little on her belly. It went right up to her chest and over her left breast. He gasped as he went, shaking in their joined fists. Rebecca watched his face the whole time until he went and then she watched it erupt from the slit of his penis.

It was fascinating. It was sticky and warm on her. It wasn't continuous either, he sort of stopped and started again until he was done. When he slumped a little foward, she slid her fingers over the hood of him to feel the end of his orgasm.

She'd wanted to be brave and let him try to put it in her again, but she wasn't. She just wasn't. She didn't know if she ever would be.

He was pink across his cheeks as he told her, horasely, "Sorry. About your-ya know..."

Rebecca shook her head, "It's ok. It's just fine."

Watching her face, he slid his fingers out of her. She gasped, shaking with it. He leaned down and she craned her neck so they could kiss. Eyes open, they watched each other tremble.

Jill was right - this part? It was just good.

Softly, he speculated, "...I might get addicted to this."

And she laughed. She laughed and watched him roll off the bed. He came back with a washcloth to clean up the mess he'd left on her.

Touched, she let him bathe her free of his release. He joined her again on the bed and they both lay on their backs, looking at the shadows on the ceiling. Without a word, his hand slid over and so did hers.

They held hands on the bed in silence.

She was going to ask him if he wanted to go out, maybe on a real date. She was gathering the courage when his phone rang. He let go of her hand and it made her sigh with regret as he rolled to his feet and hurried into his kitchen to answer it.

Rebecca listened to his muffled voice as she slid off the bed to start dressing to leave.

His tone was soft, concerned, and finally quiet. When he returned to the bedroom to find her putting on her jeans, he said, "You don't have to leave."

Surprised, she looked at him over her shoulder. She was in her panties and shirt. He was so beautifully naked. She wanted to touch him again and watch his face as she did.

The fascination was almost as if he were masterwork of art that she shouldn't touch, but she was unable to help herself. She wanted to taste his nipples and lick down his belly. Her eyes beheld the state of his softened manhood.

She wanted to put that in her mouth while it wasn't hard and see if it would fit better.

She started to suggest it and he murmured, "...my great Aunt Gert died."

With a gasp, Rebecca put a hand to her mouth. She turned toward him and shook her head, "-oh, Leon. What can I do? Do you need-I mean...I'm so sorry."

He shook his head with a small smile and sat down on the edge of the bed. With a shrug, he told her, "I barely knew her. She was really old and kinda mean. One time I think she farted on me on purpose at Christmas."

Rebecca felt her eyes flare, "Why would she do that?"

"She was a spiteful old witch sometimes. She locked me in her broom closet for the better part of an afternoon when I was a kid because I ate one of her cookies. She wasn't close, but she was finally. I have to go back home for the funeral."

Rebecca nodded and slid across the bed to sit beside him, "Of course you do. Of course. What can I do?"

He held her eyes and finally said, "You can come with me. Would you? It'll keep me from feeling like the ugliest Kennedy."

Touched, honored, Rebecca felt tears spring to her eyes as nodded enthusiastically, "Of course," She gushed and had him laughing, "You don't even need to ask. I would be honored."

Amused, he leaned forehead and kissed her nose. "You're too cute, Chambers. There's no honor in a trip to the Kennedy Compound, I can promise you that. Just good pie and really, really bad conversation."

Rebecca felt her heart swirl that he'd even ask. She leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek as he rose, "I'll take it. I can't think of anything I'd rather do than go see your home with you."

He watched her hurry around to gather the rest of her clothes. Concerned, he wondered, "Are you leaving? You don't have to leave?"

She paused. She wanted to stay, but she didn't want him to feel obligated to ask. So she said, "I should go. I'll have to call and let them know at work. I should settle some things. But-maybe..."

She trailed off.

He arched his brows, "Maybe, what?"

"-nothing. Never mind. I'm gonna go." She hesitated and finally said, "...thank you for the..ya know...the sex-the oral sex? The orgasm. S-sorry about your bed."

He laughed and shrugged, "Just bed sheets, kid. I'll survive it. I'll pick you up in a cab to the airport in the morning, ok?"

She'd had an orgasm. She'd had an  _orgasm._ It was surreal. She still couldn't believe it. She was torn between utter elation and complete embarrassment.

Rebecca grinned and hurried toward the front door. She heard him moving around in his bedroom. At the door to his place, she nearly collapsed with joy. She was sorry his great Aunt was dead, she sure was.

But she was totally happy to go home with him.

Feeling guilty, she whispered, "Thanks for dying, Aunt Gert." Leon's old witch of an aunt dying was the best news she'd heard in days.

In his bedroom, Leon leaned over to stare at his feet with his elbows braced on his knees and his hands in his hair. He'd done it. He'd made her cum. He was officially on the map when it came to pleasuring girls.

He didn't love her.

The guilt swirled in his stomach a little. He'd been raised to love the first girl you took to your bed. He liked her. He liked Rebecca. She was probably the best friend he'd had in a long time. She was sweet and soft and innocent. He liked touching her. Even touching her in a dirty way somehow felt clean to him. He felt good when he was with her and wanted to be with her again to feel even better. He wanted to look at her the way she looked at him.

No one in his life had ever made him feel special like that. He wanted to make her feel special. Because she was. She really was. She was so wonderful. She was simply unspoiled and pure and perfect.

He wasn't in love with her. He wanted to be, but he wasn't. He wasn't sure how he felt about knowing he was a guy who'd taken his best buddy to bed. He wasn't sure about knowing he'd do it again. And again.

And again.

How did you know if you were in love?

Was it like being conked over the head?

Was it like eating bad shellfish?

Was it like hearing your mother hum to you when you were little and feeling safe and secure and adored?

How did he know?

He wasn't sure, but the one thing he did know was that he wasn't going to go home and face Maggie and his family alone. Rebecca was the right choice. She was so sweet. She'd diffuse any trouble before it even started.

And she'd be on his side. Only his.

He craved that kind of devotion. He wanted to give it back to her. He just didn't know how. And truthfully? He was kinda afraid to. The last girl he'd tried to love had betrayed him.

What did that say about his taste in women? Nothing good. Right now? It was better if he just stuck to sleeping with his best friend.


End file.
